A Life Without Daniel

by Del

URL: http://area52hkh.net/asd/delorita/lifewith.php
Summary: Jack is trying to get used to the life on Eudora...

Edora

"On the third day we could take no more." Haynan speaks low and seems still scared. "We fled to the stone ring." He hesitates, "Where it used to be."

"Used to be?" I just have to ask again, because my heart starts hammering in my chest, my blood rushing through my veins. For a second I just stare, like hypnotized, but then I get up and run.

And run.

Used to be. Used to be. Used to be. USED TO BE?!

I run faster and faster, always increasing my pace. The words exploding inside my skull like small bullets, each hitting me with a deadly impact as my feet hit the ground.

Used to be...THAT CAN'T BE TRUE...Please, good God...please, let Haynan be wrong.

I had a real bad feeling while I waited with Laira, Garren and his girlfriend in the caves until the Meteor shower was over. But I still had hope... until now.

I'm running as though I had an army of Jaffa on my tail, ignoring the rocks that make me stumble.

And as I get nearer to the meadow where the Stargate stood just a few days ago, my heart starts to sink.

I only see sand and rocks instead of grass.

Used to be.

Used to be.

And then I'm there. On the spot where it USED to be...

AND IT'S GONE!

GONE!

Exploded, buried...whatever...

I want to die.

Only one thought yells in my head and I want to cover my ears with my hands for some reason.

No Daniel, no Daniel, no Daniel...

I wanna break down and scream and cry and hit the ground with my fists, but somehow I stand like a stone, ignoring Laira, who came up behind me.

I can't go home.

Never ever again.

I won't see my lover again.

Never touch him again, never kiss him again, never make love to him again, never be loved by him again...

I swallow hard, willing away the tears that form at the corners of my eyes. I won't cry in front of a woman.

What am I gonna do?

I stare at the rocks and dirt for hours, turning round and round in circles, walking the perimeter back and forth I don't know how many times.

When it gets dark, I feel totally and utterly hopeless, like I never have in my life before.

The Stargate is really gone. I couldn't find the tiniest sign of it, nothing that looked different from the other stones lying around me; no pieces of DHD, no fragments of chevrons, no nothing.

I drop to the ground and grab my hair in frustration and despair.

I want to go home.

My heart cramps and my stomach lurches in pain.

How can I live without Daniel?

How can I live in this primitive world?

How can I live without exploring other planets?

How can I live without the sports channel on TV?

How can I live without watching the Simpsons and listening to Daniel's jokes about them, while he's snuggled up against my body?

How can I live without Daniel?

There is only one solution. I need to dig out the Stargate. It must be buried somewhere.

So must the DHD.

IT HAS TO!

I CAN NOT sit here and do nothing.

+++

Six weeks later

I'm digging and digging and digging. After a whole day's work, I come out here each day to find my treasure.

Alone.

I just broke the fifth shovel.

And I'm more desperate then before.

And exhausted.

And dead tired.

And oh-so-lonely.

It's not here.

Nor over there.

Nor at the foot of the hill.

It's really truly gone.

Disappeared.

Blown to smithereens.

GONE.

I can't go back to my old life.

I'm stuck on Edora.

Forever.

+++

Again six weeks later

"I want you to give me a child." Laira's looking up at me very seriously. We just got home from a little party and we're alone in the house.

"A child?" I ask, arching my eyebrows in disbelief. I do like her but this...

"I wanted to be patient, I wanted to wait till you had let go of the life you left behind." She pulls me closer, "Until you knew that you belonged with us." She's pressing her body against mine, ''Tonight I see it in your eyes." She smiles hopefully at me.

"Laira." I look at her with deep concern, taking her face into my hands in a somewhat awkward gesture, "You should know: a part of me is never gonna let go of what I left behind."

ESPECIALLY not my Daniel.

I feel weird. I think it's the amount of alcohol I just drank. My body reacts to her warmth. It probably craves human contact. If not Daniel's, then some other person's.

"It's not the part I want." She whispers and starts to kiss me.

+++

I fuck Laira into oblivion. I screw my dick into her body again and again. Missing Daniel's tight hole almost beyond bearing. I'm even close to asking if I can fuck her up the ass so I can dream of my Danny after I gave her a child.

I can't get him out of my mind or system. She doesn't know it, but she will have to live with it.

I love HIM! I always will. Even though I will never see him again, except on the tiny photograph I've hidden from her sight.

I almost loose the nerve for the act, but when I close my eyes, I see him pouting at me like on the photograph. I see his beautiful body and those images take over my senses again.

It's odd to have breasts beneath my hands and it doesn't turn me on the slightest bit. But I lick her nipples, imagining they're his. They harden just the same. She's as smooth as him. I close my eyes even tighter and see him even more clearly in my mind.

The picture of him didn't fade.

Never will.

He's lying on his back beneath me, all hot and sweaty. He's grabbing the underside of his thighs to stretch his hole more open. He's urging me on.

"Jack, fuck me already!" He's licking his lips again and again while begging for it. His anus spasming in front of me. Inviting me in.

"Yeah, Daniel." I sigh deeply, and I dive in. Slowly. No lube. We don't need lube anymore. He doesn't want it. He's used to me after doing it several times a day or night. We always find a secret place for a fast fuck. We still need lube when he's fucking me though, but that's only a matter of time.

Hmmmm...it feels so good to be inside of him again after that long mission. I thrust and pound, enjoying his moans although they sound a bit strange today. I am close, so close to coming, my first drops of semen leaking into him already and I want to reach for his dick to spoil him even more...

And there is none...pubic hair but no cock... reality painfully dawns into my messed up brain.

I open my eyes and this is Laira, lying beneath me, her legs wound around my back.

I can hardly suppress a "crap".

She doesn't deserve that. She's a fine woman. But I happen to be deeply in love with Daniel.

My dick shrivels.

Good-bye sweet fantasy.

+++

Several days later

Teal'c.

It's Teal'c!

I hear his voice clearly through the radio.

They are digging for me.

God, I almost can't believe it.

Dreams CAN come true then!

Luckily Laira IS a fine woman and didn't toss the radio away after she heard a voice...she could have done though...

I'm running, stumbling, almost falling to the ground because I'm almost drunk with joy.

I reach the place from where I'm getting Teal'c's RTF signal.

I had been digging there too! But probably not far down enough.

Now I do it again, Garren's helping me.

When I see Teal'c's face through the tiny hole we've just made, calling him a stubborn son of a bitch, I'm certain that I'm going home.

We have T out after several minutes, catching his breath he tells us, that Carter is ordered to open the Stargate again after 24 hours.

So we have to hurry to rescue the stargate from dirt and rocks and sand with the help of the few men that were left from the village, pulling it horizontal again with five strong horses.

Finally the moment has come, where Carter is due to open the 'gate again from Earth, since our DHD is still buried.

I'm holding my breath.

I want to go back so badly, and take Daniel in my arms... but I can't. I have to behave like a good Colonel and let the lost people (who sure felt almost the same as I did) come back home first.

But when the wormhole's established without trouble and the first person steps through, my heart makes a double take.

That first person who steps through is Daniel.

OF COURSE.

Doctor Daniel Jackson, peaceful explorer.

All the missing people from the village come up behind him after he confirmed back to earth that everything is ok over here.

I see him assess the situation, doing a quick look around, finding me.

I'm nervous as a school kid. Does he still feel the same? Did he suffer as much as I did?

And when he comes closer, I can see it in his eyes.

He did.

And he blushes.

And he grins.

And I do too.

And we hug.

HARD.

For a very long time.

I hear, "I've missed you so much," breathed into my ear.

And I repeat, again and again, under my breath, "Forgive me, forgive me."

I hug him so close I'm afraid I'm gonna break his ribs. But then he does the same. Has he been that strong before?

"Sir?!" The female voice startles us and we step away from each other, holding our gazes just one tiny moment longer.

It's a promise.

It means I'll see you tonight.

I hug Carter too, of course not that hard, not that intense. Although she DOES cling to me a lot. But I'm so grateful. I know already from T that she has been the one who constructed the particle beam doohickey. So in a way, she and T rescued me. I'm sure Danny did his fair share to support them in any way he could.

+++

"You must be very happy to be going home." Laira's looking up at me, squinting against the sun. And for some reason I feel the urge to lie. I take her hands and manage to say very sad, "No, I'm not." After all I did like her a lot. When I offer her, "Come with me." I'm somehow convinced -and hopeful- that she'll say no. She isn't a person who'd leave her home and her son. I learned that much about her during those three months.

"I belong here."

I'm relieved to hear her answer. I even reply that I'll come back soon, with Daniel I add to myself. But there is no need to tell her that last bit. I will figure that out when it comes to it. Maybe I'll even be honest with her and tell her how I feel about him. She looks like she may understand it.

We embrace a final time and then I can go HOME!

+++

Daniel and I kiss.

Deep, long, sensuous and hungry.

We barely managed to close his front door.

His needy moans drive me wild already and I feel the boner of the year coming up in my pants.

I feel his too. Huge and hard as iron. But he takes my face in his hands and pulls away from me, looking at me with his intense blue eyes, still shielded by his glasses.

"What do I have to forgive you for?" he asks huskily.

I had forgotten that I greeted him with those words when we first met again. Now I'm clueless at how to explain myself.

"Laira?" he questions, rubbing his lower body from side to side against mine. I can barely think straight and am, as always, surprised that he still can.

"I...uh-huh" I nod and caress his smooth, shaven jaw line, pressing my dick against his through the many layers of clothing.

"You thought you'd never go home again..." he mutters under his breath, not pulling away for one instant.

"See that's..." I start to answer but he silences me with another kiss, "I understand, Jack." He breathes into my mouth between nipping at my lips. Oh GOD, I so love that. He's such an understanding guy.

"I'm sorry anyway." I nibble at his non existing earlobe and can't help it but start to open his jeans. His hands slide beneath my t-shirt already and he groans when he reaches my chest hair, rubbing hard over my nipples.

"Did you have sex?" He can barely get the question out, blinking nervously when he asks.

"Once," I answer honestly, "She wanted me to give her a child." I don't want secrets between Daniel and I, as hard as the answer to this is. "But I thought of you the whole time," I hasten to answer.

He swallows hard, closes his eyes for a second, but holds on tightly to me. His hard on doesn't fade either.

"I've missed you so much," we suddenly murmur simultaneously.

"I forgive you," he adds.

And then there are no more words. Just gasps and deep moans when we can't get rid of our clothes fast enough, touching and kissing each other during the process.

I fuck him on the floor of his hallway, on his hands and knees; then he's fucking me hard, after we manage to fall on his bed. And I LOVE it.

It's frantic and hot and animal like. But we both want it that way. We've lost three months.

After hours and hours of re-exploring our bodies, we cling together and neither of us can move anymore.

"Home," I whisper, and he tucks my head under his chin and sighs, "Yeah, finally."

And we drift off to sleep.

FIN