Summary: This makes the life of Barbie and Ken look normal
Jay Felger stood back and admired his handiwork, smiling proudly at his group of action figures lined up against the back of his couch. "Well," he announced brightly, "it's time you guys were in bed!" Bending, he reached down, gathered up the five figures in his arms, and walked to the toy box he kept in the corner.
"You're all so great," he said, his heart swelling with admiration as he planted a big wet kiss on the forehead of each doll. "You're my favourite team, SG-1, and with your fifth there, you're invincible!" he crowed excitedly. He playfully threw the figures up into the air and then caught them and squeezed them to his chest.
He let out a contented sigh as he lovingly arranged them in their box. When he'd done that, he smiled at them again, left the living room, switched the light off, and headed for his bedroom.
"That was gross!" Dannydoll complained, wiping off Felger's drool with his sleeve.
"Yeah," grunted Jackdoll in agreement.
"I believe he has smudged my tattoo," Teal'cdoll muttered as he tried to stare up at his forehead, going cross-eyed in the process. "Has he smudged my tattoo, Sammiedoll?" the big doll went on, most put out with Felger's familiarity. Apophisdoll would never have treated him like this.
Before Sammiedoll could answer, the Felgerdoll chimed in with a whiney voice, "Hey, Felger loves you; he wouldn't do anything to hurt you."
"Well that's just weird." Jackdoll shuddered. He stared at Felgerdoll for a moment and then frowned at his backpack. "What'cha got in there?" Jackdoll inquired smoothly, thinking that he might have a rope they could use to shimmy down the side of the toy box and escape.
"Err, nothing," Felgerdoll said carefully. Slowly, he backed away from the other male figures and stood nervously next to Sammiedoll, grinning at her like an embarrassed hyena.
Lightning fast, Teal'cdoll stepped forward and spun Felgerdoll around. He pulled the backpack off him and threw it to Jackdoll in one fluid, graceful movement.
Jackdoll went through the pack and pulled out a large blob of UHU reusable adhesive putty. "Well, well, well, what have we here, Folderol?" He smiled, squeezing the tacky substance in his hand, his mind working overtime to figure out how they could use it to get out of the box.
Felgerdoll pouted at the loss of his stuff and looked to Sammiedoll for comfort. Sammiedoll, on the other hand, stepped sideways to avoid him; he made her vinyl skin crawl. As she moved, she fell forwards on her face, and Felgerdoll was more than happy to help her up.
For the time being, though, Jackdoll slapped some of the sticky stuff on Felgerdoll's chest and glued him to the wall of the box.
"These torpedo boobs keep making me fall over," Sammiedoll cried. "They're the size of a pair of Cruise Missiles. It's not fair!"
"You think that's not fair? Hey, I don't have a dick!" Jackdoll exclaimed.
Dannydoll immediately pulled out the waistband of his small but perfectly formed BDUs and checked inside. "My, um, smooth area doesn't have one either!"
"I concur," Teal'cdoll added disdainfully, glaring at Felgerdoll as though it were his fault they were all dickless.
"Damn!" Sammiedoll cursed, face down in the box again. "I have to try and do something about these boobs!"
"You could make your ass bigger," Dannydoll suggested helpfully, "You know, to counterweight the missiles."
Sammiedoll gave him a horrified look.
"And I've got just the thing," Jackdoll grinned, holding up the pack of UHU reusable adhesive putty. "Turn around, Sammiedoll, and let me make you a new butt!"
Sammiedoll frowned and looked suspiciously at Jackdoll.
"Allow me," Teal'cdoll interceded.
Smiling, Sammiedoll staggered to a corner of the toy box, leaning her head back to try and stay balanced and upright. Sticking her hands out, she leaned against the wall of the box and waited for Teal'cdoll to stand behind her.
Meanwhile, Jackdoll was inspecting his own smooth area and thinking. Maybe he could fashion a UHU reusable adhesive putty dick. Unfastening the cute little plastic P90 from his hand, he stared at his hand, which was shaped like a big 'C', made to hold the weapon. Grinning, his little vinyl mind thought about how he could make his new dick; it was obvious, really. Taking some of the UHU reusable adhesive putty in his free hand, he stuffed it into his 'C' hand and lengthened it.
"Jackdoll? What are you doing with that blutack?" Dannydoll asked, curious to see what his action figure friend was up to.
"It's Britspeak for UHU reusable adhesive putty."
"I'm making myself a dick," Jackdoll laughed.
"Ooooh, can you make me one as well?" Dannydoll asked enthusiastically.
"Sure," Jackdoll said with a predatory gleam in his brown eyes.
Having attached his UHU reusable adhesive putty dick to his smooth area, Jackdoll turned his attention to making one for Dannydoll. He was going to enjoy this...
Jackdoll stuck a blob of UHU reusable adhesive putty against Dannydoll's smooth area, and grinned as his friend shivered with excitement.
"I just have to work you to the right size and shape," Jackdoll went on, using his 'C' grip to shape the UHU reusable adhesive putty.
"Oh, my god, Jackdoll, that's incredible," breathed Dannydoll.
"Like that, do ya?" Jackdoll rasped as he paid careful attention to the way his 'C' hand smoothed over the UHU reusable adhesive putty, up and down, up and down.
Soon, Dannydoll shuddered through his vinyl orgasmic completion, loving every moment of Jackdoll's very up close and personal use of his 'C' hand. Dannydoll reckoned it should be renamed the 'F' hand.
"Bend over, Dannydoll," Jackdoll panted, "I wanna putty your ass!"
When Dannydoll obliged, Jackdoll was a little perplexed. Dannydoll didn't have an asshole.
"Crap!" Jackdoll exclaimed, "You haven't got one."
"Are you telling me my smooth area goes all the way around?" Dannydoll asked in a panic.
"Yep, 'fraid so."
"You must have a hole somewhere, from when your moulding was formed."
Dannydoll lifted his left foot. "Oh, here it is."
"Yeah, well, I don't wanna putty your foot, Dannydoll. I'm not a pervert!"
"What are we gonna do?" Dannydoll inquired with a frown.
"We'll think of something, but in the meantime, wanna use your 'C' hand?"
Dannydoll gave Jackdoll a blinding smile and wrenched the P90 out of his hand. He serviced Jackdoll in the same way Jackdoll had serviced him, and soon both action figures were quivering and sated.
As things went quiet for a while, Jackdoll was still thinking. If Dannydoll didn't have an asshole, chances were he didn't, either. Damn!
Much later, Jackdoll shook Dannydoll awake. "Y'know that asshole problem?"
"You mean Felger?"
"No, I mean our asshole problem! Think I've just found the answer." Jackdoll smiled as he held up a short length of metal. "Ever heard of sitting on the needle?"
"Fuck!" Dannydoll gasped and pulled a face.
"That's the whole idea, Dannydoll!"