Sleight Of Hand
by Gateroller
URL: http://area52hkh.net/asg/gateroller/sleight.php
Summary: Daniel has problems with a bandana thief and Jack isn't helping
"Jack? Have you seen my bandana?"
"Huh?"
"Y'know, the khaki green one?"
"What?"
"Jack! You're not listening."
"Sorry, I had my head in the locker. What didja say?"
"My bandana, the green one, I can't find it."
"And, so, but therefore?"
"I left it here this morning, on the bench."
"I have no idea, Daniel."
"No idea where it is?"
"No idea what you're talking about."
"Thanks, Jack."
"You're welcome. C'mon, finish changing, I've got a date with a steak and a beer."
"What about me?"
"Huh? Oh, you can come too. O'Malley's okay?"
"Sure, Jack, just don't pig out or else."
"Or else what?"
"Or else you might just be sleeping by yourself tonight."
"Yeah, right."
"Jaaaack!"
-o-
"Daniel, this is a hot planet. Why haven't you got anything on your head?"
"I went to get geared up this morning and I couldn't find my bandana."
"The green one?"
"No, the blue one. I still haven't found the green one."
"Are you telling me you've lost two?"
"I haven't lost them, Jack. I just can't find them."
"Whatever."
"I just can't figure out what's going on."
"Goin' on?"
"With my bandanas."
"Or lack of them."
"Exactly."
"What?"
"What?"
-o-
"Jack, something's going on. I've lost four bandanas this week."
"Thought you said you didn't lose them, you just couldn't find 'em."
"Yeah, well, something's not right. Have you got something to do with it, Jack?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you."
"Nope."
"Don't believe you."
"I'm hurt."
"Still don't believe you."
"Are you accusing me of lying?"
"Well, if the cap fits."
"I'm not wearing a cap."
"I know. You're not wearing anything, which is how I like you best."
"What barefoot and tied to the kitchen sink?"
"Yes please, oh god, yes, Jack."
"But you haven't got any bandanas."
"What?"
"To tie me to the kitchen sink with."
"Ahhh, never mind. I'll just pin you against the wall instead."
"Oh god, Danny. Mmmmmm....aaaah... oh yesssssss."
"Good?"
"Oh yah. Jeeze, Danny....oh god...fuck me!"
"I intend to. Spread you legs for me, Jack."
"Daneeeeeeeee!"
-o-
Hurry up, we're gonna be late."
"Jack, it's seven thirty. The cab isn't due until eight fifteen."
"I know, just don't wanna be late."
"You mean you don't want to miss anything."
"That too."
"How do I look?"
"Fuck, Danny, that blue suit works for me."
"Good, now keep your hands to yourself. I don't want to crease anything."
"I can think of something that doesn't crease, in fact, it stays straight and hard."
"Stoppit, Jack. You'll just have to save it for later."
"Sure?"
"Ah huh."
"We've got time for a quick one."
"What is it with you and quick ones? You're the one who doesn't want to be late."
"Okay, okay but I'm on a promise, right?"
"Right."
-o-
"Wanna drink?"
"Thanks, Jack, orange juice please. Nice party."
"Yeah, I've heard there's a special guest."
"Tok'ra?"
"I said special, Danny."
"Who then?"
"Wait and see."
"Jaaack? You know don't you?"
"Wait and see."
"Oh my god, it's Thor."
"Don'tcha just love the little guy?"
"He's wearing a bow tie!"
"Looks good though, huh?"
"And he's got a top hat."
"Nearly as big as he is."
"At least he's not wearing it."
"Hey, give the guy some credit."
"Now what's he doing?"
"Listen up and you'll find out."
Ladies and gentlemen, I understand that at social functions like this, it is customary to offer an entertainment. Colonel O'Neill has advised me, that magic tricks are a particular enjoyment on Earth. In the Colonel's words I will now 'go get 'em'.
"A dove? Thor is pulling a dove out of that hat. I thought it was supposed to be a rabbit."
"Apparently, the Asgard don't like rabbits, somethin' to do with the transmission of unwanted and undisciplined ideas."
"What?"
"I dunno, Danny, just work with me here, okay?"
"Hey! What the hell?"
"Oh yeah, I don't think he quite got the concept of pulling a string of knotted silk scarves from the hat."
"So that's where all my bandanas went!"
The end
