Area 52 HKH

Penance 1

Penance 1

by romansilence

URL: http://area52hkh.net/asr/rsilence/penance.php
Summary: Janet helps Sam to deal with her guilt for having followed O'Neill's orders in "Scorched Earth" and thinks back to the day she had found out about her lover's special way to deal with guilt
Info: In this story elements of a BDSM lifestyle are used to address the psychological problems of one of the characters; it works in the confines of this alternate universe story – and should stay there. It is not in any way or form a viable option outside of a fictional/virtual setting

This story is set in an alternate universe / alternate reality. In fact, it's as different from the "reality" depicted in the show that it could be called a parallel universe. Don't worry, the Goa'uld are still the bad boys but the Tau'ri from Earth don't follow our familiar rules of conduct.

It is a universe where corporal punishment is not only grudgingly accepted but completely normal, and so is the notion that one can get rid of feelings like guilt by paying with pain. The US Military goes a step further and still adheres to modified pre-Civil War rules of military discipline, including public humiliation, sleep deprivation, whippings or floggings, but not only for enlisted personnel (as documented in history) but also for officers. On the plus side in the reality of this story same-sex-relationships are not only accepted but normal, as are people living any of the numerous forms of a BDSM lifestyle.

This story is a work of fiction. It could be hazardous to your health if you try to re-enact any part of it. So, don't!

Special Thanks go to Pam and Mary, my trusty beta readers who really performed a miracle on this story and kept me from making a big mistake. You rock, gals, thanks!!

PROLOGUE:

"Thank you, Janet. I love you," Sam said softly.

"You're welcome, Sam, and I love you too. Now, close your eyes and sleep; you earned it."

Sam smiled sleepily and snuggled closer to Janet. Moments later she was fast asleep. Janet stroked her lover's hair and turned down the light waiting for sleep to claim her...

-x-x-

CHAPTER ONE:

The Year Two Hundred and Twenty-One of the Reign of the People

Janet asked me to write down what has happened yesterday and the night before, and so, I'm sitting here in her guest room, dressed in sweat pants and a lumber jack shirt, seated on a hardwood chair that usually stands in front of Janet's vanity.

Sometimes an almost eidetic memory is a double-edged sword.

I'm a soldier. I'm used to physical pain. The few strokes with the paddle she gave me last night were minor in comparison, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yesterday morning I woke to the feeling of a warm hand checking my pulse point. It took me a moment to remember how I had ended up in my living room, face first on the floor.

I had asked General Hammond as my god-father to punish me for leaving Cassandra in that abandoned old bunker and for disobeying the order of my commanding officer by returning to her and risk being killed two weeks ago. He had refused, when I insisted he told me that I had done the right thing and was a fine example of the new, more considerate kind of officer needed out there should we have the hope to gain more allies in our fight against the Goa'uld. His words did nothing to make me feel less guilty and in the night before last I could not stand it any longer and finally used the whip I had made a few days earlier following some instructions from the internet.

I must have passed out while punishing myself and that's how Janet found me. I heard her voice. "Keep still, Samantha. Your back needs tending. Relax. We will talk later and you will tell me how an officer could have been punished without the chief medical officer of the base knowing about it."

I tried to get up from the floor but Janet's gentle hand resting on my shoulder stopped me. Physically I might have been able to push her away but something in her voice stopped me.

"No, Sam, now is not the time. We'll talk later." I felt the needle prick of a syringe in my arm and lost consciousness.

When I woke the next time the décor on the walls told me that I was in Janet's guest room. I was still face down, but my back felt much better, better than it should have. I once again tried to get up and just like the last time I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder.

"No, rest. We have all the time in the world to talk, Samantha Carter," Janet said.

"Wasn't official, Janet. You'll have to report me," I answered.

The hand squeezed my shoulder in comfort. "I know, Sam, but fortunately we both have a very understanding commanding officer. Sleep now."

I know her words should have given me a lot to think about but despite everything I almost immediately fell asleep.

-x-x-

When I woke I was alone. I tried to get up but quickly found that my wrists had been restrained to the bedposts. It was not really confining, just enough to keep me from getting up or turning around. I studied the knots around my wrists and experimentally tried to loosen them. It worked; the silk scarves holding me to the bed apparently were meant to be more symbolic than real. I relaxed and decided to simply wait for Janet to free me.

After a few minutes I got bored and experimentally flexed the muscles in my back. Pain flared from there through my whole body and I couldn't suppress a gasp. It must have masked the sound of the door opening and a moment later Janet's familiar hand was touching my shoulder. I turned to the side to be able to look at her. She smiled but her eyes were sad and concerned.

I apologised for dragging her into this whole mess but she simply put a finger over my lips and freed me from the scarves. She didn't react to my words but instead unnecessarily apologised for tying me up. She said that she wanted to keep me from rolling over in my sleep and make my injuries worse.

Janet helped me to sit up and as always when I was naked in front of her I couldn't suppress a flash of arousal and a deep blush. In the infirmary, during one or the other post- or pre-mission physical or while being treated for a minor injury she never gave any sign of even seeing my reaction.

Yesterday she sat down next to me, put her right hand under my chin and turned my head until she could look into my eyes. I immediately was captivated by her brown orbs, and then she began to speak and her words were like my most cherished dream come true, at least most of them.

She said, "You are the most beautiful woman I ever met, Samantha Carter. I wanted you from the very first day and I saw the way you looked at me with a certain degree of longing and possessiveness, but before anything can happen between us we have to clear up a few things and we have to resolve the mess we're in at the moment.

"I never made a pass at you because I thought you were a complete top. I was sure that you're as dominant in your private life as you are in your professional life. Now I know that that's not true and I know that you never asked me out because according to the rumours running around the base I'm a complete bottom. We were both wrong."

Janet continued, "I know that you are a strong, independent, confident woman, Sam, and that you don't need anyone to order you how to act on a daily basis. You don't have the mind of a complete bottom, but today I learned that you like to give up control when you are in a relationship, at least in a sexual context. And despite the rumours I like being in charge in the bedroom though I don't like relationships founded on a total power exchange. That's one of the main reasons why my marriage didn't work. He wanted to be a full time bottom and I couldn't do it. It's not who I am.

"Anyway, I'm getting off topic. Before we can find out if or what there can be between us we'll have to deal with what you did yesterday evening. It was extremely irresponsible. The whip you used on your back was made of uncured leather. It left tiny particles in the wounds. You are extremely lucky that there are no signs of infection so far."

Her eyes clearly told me that she was angry at me for being this negligent with my health, but my mind was still busy trying to understand what she had said before that. She really wanted a relationship with me? I already trusted her as my best friend and I had dreamed about trusting her more deeply than that for a long time. I had dreamed about Janet taking me from behind and claiming me her as her own.

Before my mind had a chance to delve deeper into my fantasies Janet said, "I laid some clothes out for you. I want you to dress and come down to the living room to talk."

I nodded and she left the guest room. I pushed myself to my feet and walked the few steps to the dresser where I found a pair of socks, sweat pants and the lumber jack shirt I'm wearing at the moment. Walking had been painful but every tiny movement of getting dressed felt like pure agony, and I really didn't want to imagine how my back would feel had it not been cleaned and treated.

I took a few deep breaths and then made my way downstairs to the living room. Every step hurt but the closer I came to my destination the better I felt. I felt lighter than I had at any time since that day in the bunker two weeks ago but at the same time I still felt guilty for abandoning Cassandra and disobeying Colonel O'Neill. Usually the pain made the guilt go away, but this time it had not worked.

Janet told me to sit on the couch and I obeyed. She took a seat next to me and I longed to touch her but suddenly was unsure of myself. I looked into her eyes and asked, "Do you really want me as a lover, Janet?"

"Yes, Sam, I do. But now is not the time to talk about our relationship. We have more important things to address," Janet answered.

"Please, Janet, I need to know," Sam insisted. "I need to know what made you change your mind about me and how you suddenly know so much about what I need."

"General Hammond said that you would want to talk about this first. When you didn't show up for our trip to the mall I got worried and asked the guys to keep an eye on Cassy. I'm really glad that you gave me that key a couple of months ago. I found you on your living room floor, whip still in hand and apparently passed out from the pain. From the whip marks on your back it was easy to see what had happened and I was appalled that General Hammond had ordered such a harsh punishment without taking any safety precautions. As the CMO I should have been informed and would have sent at least a nurse to supervise the proceedings.

"By the time I had cleaned and bandaged your back I was so angry that I called the base to give General Hammond a piece of my mind. I didn't give him a chance to get a word in until I had finished and then he simply ordered me to hang up and wait for him. I was surprised when I found out that he has a key to your apartment," Janet said.

"He's my godfather. He and my dad are best friends," I said.

"I know that now, Sam. Why didn't you mention it before?"

I explained Janet that we didn't want the whole base to know about our private relationship. I didn't want my commanding officer being accused of favouritism just because he also is my godfather, and he didn't want to throw any doubts on my achievements by revealing the truth.

Janet answered that she understood our reasoning and then proceeded to tell me what Uncle George had told her.

"He said that your parents were as different from each other as two people can be and still belong to the same species but that their love for each other always bridged their differences. Among other things they adhered to completely different ethics. Your father embraced the military code of conduct full heartedly and your mother was more of a pacifist."

"Yes, it made for very interesting discussions at the dinner table," I answered, "but it also gave Mark and me a very mixed set of morals, so to speak. Mostly I'm alright with the way the military does things but sometimes my mother's teachings get the upper hand and I get in trouble with the regs or the other way round. Usually Uncle George helps me deal with the resulting guilt but this time he refused."

"I know, Sam," Janet answered. "He told me. He helped me to understand why you punished yourself and convinced me to keep it off the records. At first I didn't want to believe him but after everything I've seen during the last year I know he is right. The way our military does things has to change if we really want to make allies out there. We can't expect them to share our values or do things the way we do and if we try to force them we are no better than the Goa'uld. To get officers to act on their conscience rather than on a set of rules is a good step in the right direction, even if they then feel guilty for their actions."

I had this discussion with Uncle George and the General more than once since my first mission to Abydos, so Janet didn't tell me anything new and I felt warranted to change the topic back to what I really wanted to discuss.

"So, Uncle George told you that I'm a bottom at heart?"

"No, Sam, but he asked me point blank if the rumours about me being a bottom in my private life were true and though I at first was taken by surprise by the question I told him the truth. He then told me that though you were good at playing the top, you really needed to feel owned and loved but would rebel if you felt you were abused. I still don't understand why he put such an emphasis on this last part. No real top would ever need to abuse a bottom," Janet answered.

There was real confusion in Janet's expression and I decided that if I wanted us to be more than friends I had to tell her the truth, even though I still feel ashamed of how far I had allowed things to deteriorate before putting an end to it.

"Uncle George was referring to my one and only long term relationship, Janet. We even were engaged to be married. I was fresh out of the Academy and still trying to find out what I needed and wanted. Jonas was very forceful in his attitude and very confident. He was a captain then and seemed like the perfect partner for me 'til I found out that he wanted to control everything I did and thought. He had sex with me whenever the mood struck him and I was naïve enough to mistake that for love and dominance. Jonas took me without regard of my own enjoyment and I didn't know any better. He came up with humiliating names for me, usually in front of my friends and convinced me that it only were pet names and meant in fun.

"One day I was late for a date because I had lost track of time working. I didn't think that it would be a big deal because Jonas had let me wait more than once in the past. I had just passed the threshold when he knocked me out with a right hook I didn't see coming. When I came to I found myself lying on our bed, naked and bound to the bedposts. Jonas told me that I was his property and that he had been much too lenient with me. He began to hit me with his belt and when I finally couldn't hold back the tears any longer he raped me. In the early morning hours he fell asleep and I managed to free myself from the restraints. I got dressed and was about to leave when he woke up and tried to stop me. I lashed out. My fist caught him on the temple and he crumbled to the floor. I bound him with his belt to make sure that he wouldn't follow me, called off the engagement, and had myself transferred to a F16-fighter squadron in the Gulf."

When I had ended my explanation I found myself gently cradled in Janet's arms with tears running down my face. The three times I had told this story before my eyes had stayed dry, but I also had never before felt this safe and understood, not even with Uncle George.

Janet kissed my tears away and when she was sure that I had calmed down she said, "I will never treat you this way, Sam. You are so strong, inside and out, if someone like you is willing to submit to someone else it is to be treated like a great gift, a gift of trust and love. That man was not worthy to breathe the same air you do. I promise that I will treat you like the gift you are."

"I know, Janet. I trust you. Do you want me to call you Mistress?" I asked.

"No, my Sam. Let's keep this for special occasions in the bedroom. I'll help you to the other bathroom to freshen up and then we will talk about this other thing."

-x-x-

A few minutes later we were back and retook our positions on the couch. I tried to stall and asked her where Cassy was.

"She's with Catherine and Ernest, Sam. They'll keep her for the night and will visit the zoo before bringing her back for a late lunch. I promised vegetable lasagne. SG-1 will also be there. They all know that you injured your back; so, there's no need to try and play it down."

"They know what I did to myself?" I asked with horror and surprise.

"Of course not, Sam; General Hammond and I came up with a cover story. They think that you hurt your back when cleaning the hanging cabinets in the kitchen. I told them that you had put all your glasses on the kitchen table, had climbed on a chair and began to clean inside. You slipped and landed backwards on the kitchen table, cutting your back. You passed out before you could call for help. I don't see a reason for anyone to believe otherwise. So, there's no need for you to play the tough soldier."

I objected that I could not afford to show weakness with my commanding officer and that Teal'c also respected strength more than anything else. Of course Janet knew that I still was stalling and didn't let me get away with it.

"Sam, we have to talk about last night. I need to know, to understand why you did what you did."

I was not ready to give in this easily. "I'm sure that Uncle George has explained everything there is to know."

"Yes, he helped me a great deal but I have to hear it from you, Sam. You have no reason to be ashamed."

I wanted to tell her then that I had every reason to be ashamed. I wanted to tell her that every time I look at Cassandra I feel this pain in my chest that tells me that I abandoned her, that I just left her in this horrible, dark room, alone and frightened, and every time I see the colonel I feel uneasy because I disobeyed his order. I wanted to tell her that I felt shame because the one time I tried to punish myself I ended up in need for medical care and it even didn't work the way I had become accustomed to. I still felt guilty.

And suddenly all of that broke out in a torrent of stumbling words, and I repeated over and over that I still felt guilty and needed to be punished. So, it took a while before I heard Janet.

"Sam, Sammy, please look at me."

Janet scooted a bit closer and waited for me find her eyes. She then put her right hand flat on my back and pressed down.

The pain flared but I didn't flinch and didn't move away.

"Does it hurt, Sam?" Janet asked.

"Yes, Janet." I answered.

"This pain is the price you paid for leaving Cassandra in that abandoned base for those few minutes. You paid the price and you are forgiven, Sam. You need the pain, but you also need forgiveness. You can't grant forgiveness to yourself, not in this case, but I can. Feel the pain on your back and accept that I forgive you."

I hesitated and pressed my back harder against Janet's hand. Finally I nodded.

"I need to hear it, Sam."

"Yes, I accept that I am forgiven for abandoning Cassie." Janet smiled. It was not one of her really bright smiles, rather like the ones she had when after a few failures in the lab things were starting to go her way.

I asked her how she knew that this was exactly what I had needed.

"Sam, you are my best friend. I know how you think, even without General Hammond's explanation I would have known. Are you ready to trust me the rest of the way? You still need to be punished for disobeying an order of your CO."

"Yes, I trust you, Janet," I answered. I couldn't have given any other answer but I still doubted that the gentle doctor would do more than just give me a verbal dressing down.

"Good, I want you to wait here for ten minutes; then you will come up to my bedroom. Knock at the door, just once, and wait for me to call you in."

I was too nervous to sit still and slowly walked to the bathroom to put some cold water on my face. My whole back still was on fire but I was sure that the place where Janet's hand had been only minutes before was hurting less than the rest. My own hands were trembling when I combed through my unruly hair in an effort to make them look more presentable.

Every step upstairs hurt but it also felt strangely good. I knocked on the door and my heart beat a bit faster. An eternity passed, but nothing happened. I was about to knock again when I remembered that Janet had ordered me to only knock once.

Finally the answer came. "Come in, Sam."

I opened the door, stepped inside and was immediately rooted to the spot. I stared at Janet. She was wearing her dress uniform and had her hair put up in a severe bun. She was the picture-perfect of a female Air Force officer, except for the decidedly non-regulation high heels. The five inch heels made her look very majestic and domineering.

"On your knees, airman. Now!"

Janet's voice held an unusual power, very different from her shouted orders in the infirmary or the gate room. It was calm and almost soft but also impossible not to obey.

"Spread your knees as far as you can. Hands on your thighs, palms up. Hold your back straight and look at me."

"Yes Janet."

"You will address me as 'Ma'am', airman."

"Yes Ma'am."

"Airman, charges have been brought against you. You are accused of disobeying a direct order of your commanding officer. How do you plead?" Janet asked.

"Guilty, Ma'am. I accept any punishment you deem appropriate, Ma'am."

"You don't have much of a choice, airman."

Janet took two steps back and sat on a simple hardwood chair that normally stood right in front of her vanity.

"Stand up, airman. Step over here at my right side. Pull your pyjama bottoms down to your knees and come over my lap. Hurry up. We don't have all night."

I had to stop myself from not stumbling over my own feet in my haste to obey her every word. I had barely settled on her lap when she pulled the shirt up to where the bandages began. I felt her hand on my ass cheeks, gentle caresses that allowed me to relax.

"For disobeying your commanding officer you now will receive thirty strokes with a wooden paddle. Brace yourself, airman. I don't want you to count. Just try to keep still."

During the first couple of strokes I thought that she would take it easy on me. In my time at the Academy I had received much harder spankings for less, but I soon learned that Janet knew exactly what she was doing. Every stroke was just a tiny bit harder than the one before and though I tried to I soon lost count.

I soon was crying though in the past I had stood more pain without any outward sign of distress. Yes, I was sure that I would feel the aftermath of the spanking the next day, and I really do, but what made it so special was that Janet was doing it for me. It was her willingness to accept me the way I am that made me cry.

Then it was over and Janet ordered me to slide back on my knees. I didn't even think about it when retook my earlier position with my knees spread and my hands on my thighs, the palms facing up.

"You just were punished for your crimes, airman. Your transgressions are forgiven."

"Thank you Ma'am. Thank you for allowing me to assuage my guilt."

"You are welcome, Captain Carter. Come, Sam, stand up and get on the bed. It's time to change your bandages."

I knew that Janet could smell my arousal. I never before had reacted this way to a punishment but the way she simply took command was so incredibly sexy, I just could not help myself.

This morning I woke up all wrapped around Janet's smaller body as she was wrapped around me. Never before I have felt this safe or content, not even when my mother was still alive. I felt complete and I knew that I wanted to wake up like this every day for the rest of my life, and I really hope that Janet feels the same.

-x-x-

CHAPTER TWO:

The Year Two Hundred and Twentyfour of the Reign of the People

"Thank you, Janet. I love you," Sam said softly.

"You're welcome, Sam, and I love you too. Now, close your eyes and sleep; you earned it."

Sam smiled sleepily and snuggled closer to me. Who would have thought that the tough Air Force major had such a great need for continuous body contact and intense cuddling. Moments later she was fast asleep. I stroked her hair and as I do often let the events of the day, especially of this evening pass my mind's eye.

Three years ago, when I first learned about Sam's special way to cope whenever she felt that she had failed her own standards I never would have thought that our relationship would become as strong as it is today. Sam is a wonderful partner who tries to fulfil my every wish before I even had the chance to voice it, though we still have the occasional fight about everyday stuff like Cassy going out with friends on a week night or who was scheduled for cleaning up the kitchen. Yes, we're a perfect match and in our bedroom Sam is the perfect bottom, though our love live now includes the occasional role reversal. It allows me to better understand what Sam feels and to really enjoy the trust she shows every time when she lets herself be dominated by me.

We also have slowly perfected the punishment ritual and added a few elements which sometimes make it come close to a play session. Of course the intent is different. From time to time I'm even able to talk Sam out of her need for pain by offering another perspective. We have learned a lot about each other, about the way the other's mind works.

So, this afternoon, when Sam had come in for her post-mission check-up I immediately recognised the haunted look in her eyes, a look she always gets when things had gone wrong. I would not have needed the old silver dollar waiting on my desk when I went into my office to deal with the never ending paperwork.

The silver dollar was a collector's piece with a broken chain engraved on one side and the American Eagle on the other. It once had belonged to Sam's grandfather and now serves as our sign that Sam feels the need to be punished.

So I put my paperwork aside and called up the preliminary report on SG-1's latest mission in the hope that it would give me a clue what to expect at home, but the mission seemed to have been rather straightforward, at least according to Colonel O'Neill.

"We were sent to check on the Encarans. They were adapting well to their new planet and the naqada reactor Major Carter had installed worked at peek efficiency. Then we found out that a spaceship of unknown origin had started to terraform the planet to allow colonisation by another race which had been in search of a compatible planet for millennia. The ship created an artificial intelligence to convince the Encarans to evacuate the planet, but they refused. Daniel and the AI talked and he found out that in its search for the perfect planet the ship had found the original home world of the Encarans. The AI looked like an Encaran man and so the Encarans finally accepted the offer to reunite them with the rest of their people. We saw them off and returned home. We also made a tentative trade agreement with the other people but it won't come to pass for at least the next ten or fifteen years. That's how long it will take to completely transform the planet and restore at least a part of their civilisation."

I hurried home at the end of my shift and when I entered the master bedroom, I found Sam kneeling in the far corner of the room. She was so incredibly beautiful it took my breath away and I was happy that Cassie was having a sleepover at a friend's house. This way there was no chance that we would be disturbed.

-x-x-

Sam was on her knees facing the far corner of their bedroom, her ankles were crossed and her hands rested on top of her head with the palms facing up. She was naked except for padded leather cuffs at her wrists and ankles and a leather collar fastened around her neck.

Sam was so incredibly beautiful when she allowed herself to be this vulnerable; it took Janet's breath away every time. Sam's back muscles twitched and her arms were slightly trembling. So, obviously she had not waited until she had heard the outer door to get into position but instead had been waiting for Janet's arrival for who knew how long. Experience let Janet estimate that it had been more than twenty minutes.

If this had been a play session, she would have indulged in fondling Sam's perfect body and kiss every single one of the surprisingly few scars and she would have been rewarded by an increase of Sam's heartbeat and anticipatory goose bumps erupting on her fair skin.

But it wasn't. So, she took a seat on the chair of her vanity which had been positioned in the middle of the room.

"Front and centre, airman!" Janet ordered in a hard voice that would have made any drill sergeant proud.

Sam jumped to her feet and stood at attention in front of her lover and partner.

"Report your preparations, airman."

"Yes Ma'am. I took a shower, gave myself an enema and a vaginal douche to be clean for your inspection, Ma'am," Sam answered.

"Present, airman."

As usual a quiet voice in Janet's head told her that this whole inspection was utterly ridiculous, but it also was the easiest and fastest way to ascertain her dominance over the physically much stronger blonde. It allowed both of them to embrace their roles better.

Sam stepped closer, spread her long legs and used her fingertips to separate her outer labia to present her clit and vagina to Janet. The doctor felt a wave of arousal at the sight of the hint of moisture on Sam's nether curls.

"Next!" Janet ordered.

Sam turned around with her feet a couple of inches closer together than before. She bent forward until her upper body was parallel to the floor. She reached back with both hands and spread her nether cheeks. Janet let her hold this position for almost two minutes. She just barely kept herself from grabbing the enticing body, but this was not about her, not at the moment.

"You passed inspection, airman. Take report position."

Sam turned around, dropped to her knees and spread them as wide as possible. Her hands rested on her knees with her palms up. Her slightly pouting nether lips were on display and Janet couldn't help but enjoy the view.

She took a deep calming breath and ordered, "List your transgressions, airman, in order of severity. Start with the least serious offence."

Sam's eyes were glued to the tip of Janet's shoes.

"I lied to my commanding officer. I lied to the base commander. I lied to the chief medical officer. I disobeyed an order of my commanding officer. I obeyed an illegal order," Sam said softly.

"These are serious charges, airman. I read Colonel O'Neill preliminary report. Now tell me what he didn't find worth mentioning. And I want you to look at me. I want to see your eyes."

"Ma'am, yes, Ma'am. The official report does not mention that the Encarans at first categorically refused to leave their new planet and that the AI refused to negotiate in any way. Even Daniel's skills didn't seem to work. So, with diplomacy failing Colonel O'Neill decided that the only way to keep the Encarans safe was to destroy the ship. He ordered me to make a bomb out of the naqada reactor. Daniel protested, but I rigged the reactor to overload. It would have destroyed the ship and with the ship a whole civilisation.

"Shortly before it was time to send the bomb aboard the ship I activated the failsafe. I designed it to keep the reactor from overloading. It shuts down as soon as a critical level is reached. When the time came the reactor didn't explode and I told Colonel O'Neill that I didn't know what had gone wrong. Minutes later the AI and Daniel came to an understanding and there no longer was a need for violence."

"I understand, airman. Ordering you to build the bomb was an illegal order which you first obeyed and then disobeyed, and then you lied about it, right?"

"Yes Ma'am. And during the debriefing I lied to General Hammond. I didn't protest when Colonel O'Neill gave his edited report. I also lied to you when I told you that I was alright during the post-mission physical. Please, Ma'am, let me pay for my transgressions and purge my guilt."

"Not so fast, airman. Why didn't you tell General Hammond what really happened, either during the debriefing or after?"

"Colonel O'Neill felt responsible for the safety of the Encarans and he was not prepared to sacrifice them on the off-chance of an agreement with another race, regardless how advanced. His intentions were pure, only the way he wanted to protect them was wrong. He needed a fast solution and the naqada bomb certainly would have done that. Jack O'Neill is the best commanding officer I ever had. I didn't want to get him into trouble by not backing him up, and there's no physical evidence of what really happened," Sam answered.

Janet looked directly into her lover's eyes. She resisted the urge to smile at her open expression. It told her that Sam really had not thought of protecting herself by keeping quiet about what had happened with the Encarans. She also saw the pain and self-loathing in Sam's eyes. It was the last indicator she needed to know for sure that this time there would be no way to simply talk her lover out of her guilt.

"Attention airman!"

- - - -

Sam jumped to her feet and stood ramrod straight with her arms close to her sides and her chest exposed.

"Four of the charges brought against you are sustained. You are found not guilty of lying to the base CMO. I knew that you were not alright the moment you stepped into the infirmary.

"For lying to your commanding officer you will receive six strokes with the cane on your bare behind and another twelve for lying to General Hammond.

"Go and bring me the cane with the ivory handle," Janet ordered.

Sam quickly fetched the elegant cane from the chest with their paraphernalia stored in their walk-in closet. Of the three canes they owned it was the thinnest and would leave painful welts even if only used with moderate force. She got down on her knees and handed Janet the cane on her outstretched hands.

Janet took it and rose. She stepped to the right of chair and said. "Bend over the backrest of the chair, airman. You are allowed to hold onto the legs of the chair but if you break position you will receive three additional strokes. I want you to count and thank me after every third stroke."

"Yes Ma'am," Sam answered and took her position.

"Lying to your commanding officer was not planned. It was a spur of the moment thing; so, I will show some leniency. You can consider the first six strokes as a warm-up."

"Thank you, Ma'am. You're very generous," Sam said softly.

The so-called warm-up still hurt very much and would leave evenly spaced marks on Sam's buttocks. They would fade in a couple of hours, but when the seventh stroke hit Sam knew that these new strokes would stay with her for at least a couple of days. It hit right on the fleshiest part of her posterior and she instinctively grabbed the front legs of the chair to brace herself.

The eighth stroke left a parallel stroke just under the small of her back and the ninth hit right where her long legs met the rest of her sculpted body. It almost grazed her centre and she almost jumped.

"Nine, thank you, Ma'am."

Ten and eleven made her groan, and twelve landed right on top of number seven, the first hard stroke she had received. It almost took her breath away.

"Twelve, thank you, Ma'am."

Thirteen and fourteen came so fast one after the other that she barely had time to count. Fifteen once again hit the exact spot of seven and twelve and Sam instinctively kicked out.

"Get up, airman. What did I tell you about staying in position?" Janet asked harshly.

"Ma'am, you said that I would receive three additional strokes if I broke position, Ma'am. I'm sorry, Ma'am."

"Sorry is not enough, airman. Put the chair back where it belongs. I want you to spread your legs, bend over, and grab your ankles. And you better hold that position," Janet's voice was cold and hard.

As soon as Sam was in position Janet gently stroked her lover's reddened behind and told her softly to relax. Stroke sixteen landed on top of fifteen, just as she had expected. Luckily, for the last two strokes Janet chose another target zone.

The three additional strokes really tested Sam's resolve and stamina. She knew that she never would have been able to hold her position had she still been bent over the chair. Holding onto her ankles allowed her more control over her body and didn't make her feel this vulnerable.

"Twenty-one, thank you, Ma'am."

"Rise and thank me properly," Janet ordered.

Sam gracefully rose to her full height and then sank to her knees on front of her disciplinarian and lover. Her hands were clapped behind her back. She bent forward and first kissed the tip of the cane and then Janet's hands.

"Thank you for punishing me, Ma'am."

"You are forgiven for lying to your commanding officer and to General Hammond, airman. Remove the cane."

Sam obeyed and quickly returned to her place in front of Janet.

"You are allowed to remove the ankle cuffs, airman."

"Thank you, Ma'am."

Sam changed her position to get down on one knee.

"No, airman, stand up and bend over, legs straight."

Sam did as she had been told. She not only followed the order to the letter but also stayed true to the spirit of the order. She moved slowly and sensually, and even after more than three years Janet was not really sure if it was just the way her lover moved or if it was intentional.

Sam unbuckled the first ankle cuff, stretched back to her full height, knelt in front of Janet and kissed the leather cuff before putting it on the floor. She repeated her movements with the second cuff and smoothly returned to her so-called report position.

"Airman, you now will be punished for disobeying your commanding officer and for obeying an illegal order. You will be restrained for that. Go to the closet door and grab the bar," Janet ordered.

The metal bar wedged between the doorposts leading to their walk-in closet usually served as a pull-up bar for Sam after her morning runs. Sam hated being restrained. It reminded her too much of the Goa'uld, but the look in Sam's eyes had convinced Janet that this was exactly what she now needed.

And Sam obeyed without hesitation.

Janet secured Sam's wrist cuffs to the metal bar with the help of snap links she took from the chest in their closet. She studied Sam's at once frightened and trusting face.

"For disobeying your commanding officer you will feel the strap on your back, airman. I want you to count and I want you to ask for the next stroke. You will know when this part is over. And Sam don't forget if it gets too much for you, the pain or the restraints, use your safe word."

The first two strokes of the strap marked Sam's back with an X, but they were not half as hard as she had expected. It was easy to fall into a rhythm and before she knew it she had counted stroke number thirty-two. Sam cried out when the next stroke hit her already sensitive buttocks, but she still dutifully counted the stroke. Five more hard strokes followed and Sam was relieved that she had been restrained.

While Sam tried to regain her composure she felt how Janet quickly slipped once again into the closet. She heard how she rummaged in their paraphernalia chest and soon Janet was standing right in front of her.

"You are forgiven for having disobeyed the orders of your commanding officer, airman. You did well."

"Thank you, Ma'am."

"For obeying an illegal order you now will receive seventy-two strokes with the garden hose. Open your mouth. I want you gagged for this part."

"Please, Ma'am, I promise I won't cry out," Sam said.

"Open up, airman." Janet's voice this time allowed no resistance, and Sam obeyed. She then put a baseball in Sam's right hand. "The ball is your safe word. Drop it and I will stop immediately."

Janet kissed the gag before she slipped back into the bedroom, and this single gesture was enough for Sam to understand that her lover really knew what she needed.

"Seventy-two strokes with the garden hose for obeying an illegal order."

The first stroke hit her across her already extremely sensitised back. Sam's body jerked forward; and she tightened her grip on the exercise bar. With the tenth stroke she was glad that she had been gagged and number thirteen made her bite down on the red ball-gag Janet had just forced into her mouth.

Janet studied the reactions of her beloved partner with a doctor's eyes and with the eyes of an experienced dominant. Even though a garden hose rarely left more than fleeting marks, the pain still would stay with Sam for a couple of days. And she knew that the number of strokes this time had been extremely high.

Never, except for Jolinar, Sam had needed more than what she had received now, not even after the za'tarc incident when Sam had been forced to kill Martouf.

She felt Sam's resilience, but she also could see her relax with every new stroke, at least after the first twenty odd strokes. Sam's eyes were closed and tears were running down her face. The tears were a sign that Sam was well on the way of forgiving herself.

Sam's back showed an almost even angry red and though Janet didn't stop the beating she considerably reduced the force of her blows. In any case her back would be touch-sensitive for the next three or four days.

With about twenty strokes more to go Janet was temped to stop the punishment. The muscles of Sam's arms were taught and she was holding onto the metal bar and the baseball as tightly as she could. Janet let the hose fall to the floor, pulled a leather glove over her right hand and swatted Sam's already purple buttocks. She didn't have to hit hard and if truth be told she would have rather stopped completely but Sam sooner or later would have insisted on properly finishing the punishment. This way she would receive the exact tally but Janet could cite medical reasons for the change in disciplinarian object.

Finally it was over. "Look at me, airman."

Sam's face was puffy with shed tears but when she removed the gag there were only tiny drops clinging in the corner of her eyes.

"You are forgiven for obeying an illegal order, airman," Janet said and removed the snap links tethering her to the exercise bar.

"Thank you, Ma'am."

"Remove your wrist cuffs, airman. You earned it."

- - - -

Janet stepped back and took a seat on their bed, and suddenly Sam was kneeling in front of her. Her wrists were still encased in the leather cuffs and she stretched them towards Janet.

"Ma'am, thank you for punishing me. Would you please remove my wrist cuffs as a further sign of your forgiveness, please?" Sam asked.

Janet nodded and ordered her lover to come closer. Sam crawled a few steps closer and smiled up at her.

"Do you also want me to remove the collar, Major Carter?"

"No, Ma'am, I first want to thank you personally for the good care you're taking of this simple airman, please, Ma'am."

"You were very brave to own up to your transgressions, so, I will allow it. Undress me, airman. Start with the skirt and the shoes," Janet answered and rose from her seat.

Sam smiled and obeyed without a word. She put the skirt on a hanger, immediately after Janet had stepped out of it. She knelt when she slipped Janet's feet out of her regulation heels. The pantyhoses were next and Sam took her time in tucking them down and letting them glide over Janet's firm legs.

Sam rose to her feet and stepped behind her lover. Making the best of her long arms she slowly opened the buttons of the dress shirt. She caressed the skin before she removed a decidedly non-regulation bra of pink silk and lace. Then her hands rested on Janet's hips ready to pull the matching pink panties down.

"Hands behind your back, airman." Janet ordered.

Sam immediately dropped to her knees and started to pull the silk panties down with her teeth, making sure to tease the sensitive skin with the tip of her tongue as the material bit by bit slid deeper. She once again smiled up to her lover when the garment finally fell to the floor.

"Please sit on the bed, Ma'am. It will be more comfortable for you."

Sam followed her on her hands and knees and held her head on a level with Janet's crotch. With her hands once again behind her back Sam leaned forward, extended her tongue and brushed against the full length of Janet's centre.

"Take it slow, airman." Janet ordered after she had unsuccessfully tried to stifle a throaty moan.

Sam repeated the action but this time only grazed Janet's soft flesh with the tip of her tongue.

"That's better, airman. I want you to use your tongue only, no lips, no teeth, but you are allowed to use your hands to brace yourself or get better access."

The tip of Sam's tongue once again travelled the length of Janet's sex as if to confirm that her orders had been fully understood. For the fraction of a heartbeat Sam's firm muscle pressed against Janet's unhooded clit, then it was gone. Slightly calloused hands gently spread her legs wider.

She heard Sam's whispered, "So beautiful!" and almost jumped in surprise when Sam's tongue darted past her folds, entered her as deeply as possible and began to wiggle, all the while staying deliberately clear of the one point Janet knew only Sam knew how to stimulate.

Sam's hands on the top of her thighs anchored her on the bed, and she was grateful for the hold when she slipped deeper inside. Her tongue found the spot and her nose pressed against Janet's engorged clit. The doubled sensation brought her quickly over the edge, but Sam seemed not to be satisfied with giving her only one orgasm.

Her tongue stayed deeply inside of Janet and continued to wriggle against the contracting inner walls, in a rhythm that was the counterpoint to Sam's nose practically massaging Janet's clit. Wave after wave of ecstasy rolled through her and at the edge of her awareness she could smell the scent of Sam's arousal, similar and yet very different from her own.

Sam finally stopped her ministrations. Her face was wet with Janet's juices. There was a bright smile on her face and yet tears were still clinging in her eyes. She waited patiently until Janet had regained her composure. Finally Janet sat up and slid from the bed to kneel in front of Sam who once again had assumed her report position.

Janet bent forward and kissed the tears from Sam's eyes while she quickly unbuckled the collar and removed it from her lover's neck.

"I love you, Samantha Carter. You are beautiful and brilliant, brave and strong, and you are mine," Janet said after her eyes had found Sam's blue orbs.

Sometimes Sam would answer that she also was pig-headed and stupid and the luckiest woman in the world to have found a partner like Janet.

This time she said, "I want to be yours, Janet, please reclaim me. Make me yours again, completely."

Janet could not have resisted the pleading in Sam's voice and eyes even if she had wanted to, but she had to be sure. So, she asked and Sam nodded slowly and then tried to escape the scrutiny of Janet's eyes by looking down to the floor. Janet took Sam's chin in her hand and gently pushed it upwards. Their lips touched, she demanded entrance and soon her tongue explored and teased the other woman. When Sam was about to respond in kind, she withdrew.

- - - -

"Get on the bed, Sammy, and show me what you need."

Janet opened the lowest drawer of her nightstand and took a few things out. She slowly fastened the harness around her hips. She turned her head to check on Sam's position on the bed.

Though this was not really part of their punishment ritual, sometimes it could be the most important part. Sometimes Sam felt that being forgiven as an officer was not enough; she felt that she also had failed her family and her loved-ones and then she needed more than pain. She needed to feel owned and loved.

Sam was kneeling on the bed. Her legs were spread wide and most of her weight rested on her elbows. That left her buttocks as the highest part of her body. Janet selected a dildo from the drawer and fit it into the harness. She climbed onto the bed and gently stroked the welts on Sam's nether cheeks. Sam moaned in answer, indicating desire instead of pain. She spread her legs even further and Janet allowed the rubber cock to touch Sam's sex.

Janet went from playfully bumping it against the entrance to rubbing the artificial member on Sam's labia and clitoris, lubricating it with Sam's own juices. Sam moaned louder and stuck her bottom out.

"So eager, my love," Janet whispered.

"Please, Jan, I need you inside."

Janet pressed her pubic bone against Sam's heated buttocks, her hands slid from Sam's hips along her sides up to her breasts. Sam whimpered in protest and groaned in satisfaction when Janet first withdrew completely and then entered her in a slow thrust. The phallus easily went in. Sam's shoulders visibly relaxed and she let herself sink deeper into the mattress.

Janet smiled and began to gyrate her hips. Sam's breathing rhythm picked up. Janet added tiny thrusts to her movements, her hands now wandering over her lover's back. The garden hose had left it a uniform deep red, interspersed with the still distinct marks from the strap. She retraced them with the tip of her fingers and felt how Sam's body stiffened under the slight touch. Sam moaned but not in pain. Janet bent forward and kissed the welts on Sam's shoulder blades. Her movements became bigger but stayed slow and deliberate.

"Jan, please, faster. I'm so close, please."

Instead of acquiescing to her lover's plea Janet moved even slower. She let her fingers retrace every single strap mark. Sam's body tensed even more; she shuddered and came with a loud, "Oh god, Janet."

Janet stayed inside of her lover and allowed her to ride her orgasm out. Her own clit throbbed under the harness and she knew that she was close to come as well, but for the moment she fought the need down. She lubricated the fingers of her right hand with gel from a small jar. When her greased fingers began to slide down the cleft between Sam's buttocks, Sam moaned and pushed her buttocks back for more contact.

The tip of Janet's index finger pressed against Sam's sphincter but didn't try to enter. The lubricating gel warmed her still burning behind even further. Janet pushed past the tight anal ring and after a moment of resistance, Sam consciously relaxed. The finger slipped in and was easily followed by a second finger.

"Please, Jan, please reclaim me, all of me. Take me."

Janet took her time to grease Sam's anal opening and slowly widened it to accommodate a third and finally a fourth finger. Only when she was sure that Sam would not be hurt by the girth of the dildo, Janet pulled out of Sam's vagina and swiftly entered her other opening.

The head slipped in easily and Janet slowly pushed forward until her pubic bone once again was pressed against Sam's buttocks. She allowed Sam to become used to the long shaft. Sam's breathing rhythm served her as indicator when it would be time to go one step further. Only then did Janet put her hand on Sam's hips to immobilise her and began to thrust. She established a rhythm and allowed her left hand to glide to Sam's sex. She found the clit and began to rub it in time with her slow thrusts.

It wouldn't take long to bring Sam to another orgasm, but this was about more than their mutual satisfaction. It was as much spiritual as it was sexual. So, she bent forward until her breasts touched Sam's back.

"You are mine, Samantha Carter. You are not allowed to come until I tell you to. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand, Janet. I am yours, yours alone." Sam's voice had a dreamlike quality that brought a smile to Janet's face.

It was time. She sped up her thrusts. The palm of her hand now pressed against Sam's clit, two fingers were inside of her and the two others massaged the inner labia. Sam's whole body was as taut as a bowstring, her breathing coming in gasps. Janet was equally close to the edge and with a shouted, "Come with me, love," she allowed them both a desperately needed release.

Janet withdrew from Sam with a slight "plop" that elicited a light-hearted giggle from Sam. Janet joined in and soon they both were laughing, part out of genuine merriment, part was a nervous reaction to the emotional turmoil of this day.

Janet discarded the harness and Sam put it in the bathroom to be cleaned. A few minutes later she snuggled in Janet's arms and once again thanked her. The moon was casting shadows in the room but it gave enough light to allow Janet to study Sam's face. Her features were relaxed and she had a smile on her lips. Tonight there would be no bad dreams and Janet slowly also relaxed. She pulled the comforter over their naked bodies, closed her eyes and finally fell asleep herself.

-x-x-

EPILOGUE:

"Colonel O'Neill, General Hammond is waiting for you on level thirty-three for a strategy session." The guard at the second security check point said.

Jack acknowledged him with a nod and stepped into the elevator. Damn Teal'c and his blasted need for honesty, he thought. Yes, ordering Sam to build this bomb had not been one of his better ideas, but it had not worked anyway. So, in his eyes there was no reason to even mention it.

On the other hand, Daniel was still so pissed off at him that he had exiled him to the couch, and if he went through with the unofficial punishment that without any doubt was waiting for him Daniel would be more inclined to forgive him.

THE END

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