Meant To Be 3

Helping Her Forget

by SJSlashfan

URL: http://area52hkh.net/ass/sjslashfan/meantt03.php
Summary: Sam learns more about Janet's history.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asked in a soft voice, mindful of not wanting to put any pressure on Janet.

Janet shook her head miserably. "Not now," she said in a tiny voice. "I will tell you. All of it. Just not now, huh? Right now I don't want to think about him. I just want to enjoy being in your arms. Feeling you. Feeling safe."

"You are safe Jan," Sam whispered. "I'll always take care of you."

"I know," Janet replied, "I've never been so happy." She sniffed and wiped away her tears, then smiled. "I love you, Captain Carter," she said, "so very much."

Sam kissed her softly. "And I love you too, Dr Fraiser," she replied, trying to keep her voice even. "More than I ever knew was possible."

= = =

Six hours later, Janet awoke, taking a moment to realize that she was still wrapped in Sam's warm, strong arms. She blinked and looked up, to see Sam looking down on her with such tenderness it made her heart skip a beat. "Hey," Janet said, a small smile on her lips. "So it wasn't a dream, huh?"

"What wasn't a dream?" Sam asked.

"You. Here. In my bed. With me," Janet said. "It seems just too perfect to be true."

Sam smiled. "You're the one that's perfect," she kissed her softly. "And it's Christmas morning. It doesn't get much better than this."

"Merry Christmas," Janet said, claiming another kiss.

"It sure is," Sam smiled. She reached out and cupped Janet's face lovingly. "You're really here," she said, wistfully.

"I should hope so," Janet replied drily. "It is my apartment!"

Sam grinned. Then her face fell. "Shit!" she said, succinctly. "I don't have any Christmas gifts for Sharon and Cora's kids."

"That's okay," Janet said. "They know you didn't have time. Add your name to my gifts, it'll be fine."

"It's not the same," Sam pouted. Then she smiled. "I've got an idea," she said. "Is your computer hooked up to the 'net?" she motioned to the small desk in the corner of Janet's bedroom, which housed a laptop.

Janet nodded yes, so Sam slid out of the bed. She grabbed her shirt off the floor and pulled it over her head. "Okay for me to use it then?" she asked.

"Of course," Janet said. "As long as you don't read the emails from all my red-hot lovers, that is."

Sam grinned, and settled herself on the stool at the desk.

"What'cha doin'?" Janet asked.

Sam smiled again. "Wait and see," she teased. "You do the rotas in the infirmary, right?" she asked.

"Yeah...," Janet was suspicious.

"So," Sam said, "if I were to ask you to make sure that you and Sharon are both free on 9 January, d'you think you could arrange that?"

"Probably," Janet replied drily. "I wanna see what you're doing," and she climbed off the bed. She sauntered provocatively across the room, eschewing her robe which hung on the back of the door.

Sam tried not to stare at her naked lover as she walked toward her, but failed to hide her scrutiny. Janet grinned. "See somethin' you like?" she teased.

Sam gulped. "Oh God yes," her voice cracked. She dragged her attention back to the screen, nodding toward the title, which said Monster Truck Expo! Get your tickets here! "Mikey'll like that, huh?" she asked Janet.

Janet smiled. "He'll love it!" she enthused. "He loves trucks. He loves trucks, trains, bikes, anything with an engine. So does Cora. What a great idea."

"So how about we all go, make a day of it?" Sam said. "What d'you think?"

"Captain Carter," Janet drawled. "Are you telling me that Mikey and Cora are not the only ones who want to see the monster trucks?"

Sam grinned. "I just wanna be a good hostess," she said.

"That's a great idea," Janet said. "I think we can have a real fun day."

"I'll get tickets for us all, then," Sam said, as she added the tickets to her cart.

"Want me to get your purse?" Janet asked.

"No need," Sam said. "I know my credit card details. What?" she laughed at the expression on Janet's face. "I'm good with numbers."

"That's not all you're good with," Janet's tone was sultry, as she stood behind Sam, and starting dropping butterfly kisses on her from behind. "You have such a sexy neck," she said. "Did you know that?" she explored her lover's long neck, and pulled her shirt to one side as she moved on to her shoulder. She reached down and undid the first three buttons on Sam's shirt.

"Hey," Sam squeaked as Janet's hand reached its goal. "Not fair, I gotta concentrate."

"I thought you were a genius," Janet said, her hand kneading a soft breast. "What's the matter, Captain, having trouble multi-tasking?"

Sam hit the enter button on the computer, and in one swift motion grabbed Janet and pulled the surprised medic on to her lap. "Oh no trouble, Doctor," she said, staring openly at the naked woman in her arms. "No trouble at all."

= = =

"She doesn't understand that she needs me," David Richmond said to his friend Mark that Christmas morning. Mark and his wife Gail had invited their friend round to join them for the Christmas meal, aware that he had been distraught since his wife had left him. "She falls apart without me."

"Maybe she'll be back, once she's had some time to herself?" Gail suggested helpfully.

David shook his head. "I'm scared she'll never come back at all," he said. "Without me to help her, God alone knows what's happening. She drinks you know," he said.

"Janet?!" Gail was incredulous. "No! She seems so together."

"That's what she wants people to think," David said. "She never does it in public. But at home, it's awful. When she lost the baby," he put his head dramatically in his arms, "she told everybody she had tripped and fallen down the stairs. She did fall down the stairs," he said, "but only because she was so slammed she didn't know what she was doing."

Unaware of the magnitude of the lie that she had just heard, Gail got up from her seat and put her arms round David. "I'm so sorry, David," she said. "We had no idea."

"I just need to find her," he whispered, delighted that she had bought his act. "But I can't even call her. She changed her cell number, I can't find her anywhere."

= = =

"Hey Janet! And this must be Samantha," Cora welcomed the two women into the house.

"Hi," Sam replied, putting out her hand. "That's me. Call me Sam if you want. Or Samantha, whichever you prefer." She grinned, realizing that she was showing her nerves. "Thank you so much for inviting me to join you, it's so kind of you."

"It's a real pleasure," Cora said. "I know you and Janet are good friends, and God knows we've got enough food to feed a battalion. Sharon'll be right down. She's consoling Mikey," she explained. "We've had a bit of a disaster today," she motioned to the train set in the corner of the room. "Mikey's Christmas gift from Santa blew up in a puff of smoke. Sharon's telling him we'll get a new one when the stores re-open, but he's still real upset."

At that, Sam heard footsteps on the stairs. Sharon appeared in the hallway, a miserable Mikey in her arms. She kissed Janet and then Sam on the cheek. "Hey," she said. "Maybe you can help cheer this young man up?"

Sam smiled at her. "You know," she said. "Maybe I can. There's just a chance we'll be able to fix that. Mind if I take a look?"

"You're kidding?" Cora said.

"I'm quite good with circuits," Sam said modestly. "I think there's a good chance."

Mikey looked up from his mother's arms. "Can she really fix it?" he asked Sharon.

"I don't know, sweetie," Sharon said. "But Sam's a captain at the base where I work, and everybody knows she's a genius. If anyone can fix it, I'll bet she can."

Mikey wriggled from his mother's grasp, and ran over to where Sam was kneeling on the floor. "Hi," he said shyly.

"Hi," Sam replied with a warm smile. "It's good to meet you Mikey. I'm Sam."

"Can you fix my train?" Mikey asked.

Sam held the plug of the train set in her hand. "Yeah," she said. "I reckon I probably can. I'll need my tools though. I'll just go and get them from the truck."

"You have a truck?" Mikey's eyes lit up.

"Yeah," Sam said with a grin. "Wanna come see it, help me get the tools?"

Mikey nodded enthusiastically, and took Sam's hand. "You should put a coat on," Sam said, "it's cold out there. And ask your mom if you can come out with me."

"Can I Mom?" Mikey asked, tugging on Sharon's shirt. "Please? I wanna see Captain Sam's truck!"

"Sure you can," Sharon replied, helping him into his coat.

= = =

"I can probably get you Janet's new cell number," Mark took David to one side. "I know I shouldn't. But as long as she's still with the company," Mark worked for major cellphone network Textel, "and has only changed her number, there's a good chance I can get it for you. But you can't tell anyone," he gestured to Gail. "Or I could lose my job. I just want to help Janet. And if she really doesn't want to see you, she'll just hang up, right?"

"Right," David tried to keep the note of triumph out of his voice. "Thank you Mark. I just want to help her. She's my wife; it's my duty to look after her."

"I'll call you Tuesday," Mark promised.

= = =

Cora headed upstairs to check on the baby, and Janet tried without success to persuade Sharon to let her help with the cooking. "No," Sharon insisted. "Really, it's just about done. Come talk to me, though, while I finish up. Coffee?" she asked.

"Please," Janet said, gratefully accepting a mug. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, which gave her a good view of Sam who was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the living room, Mikey hanging on her every word, as she dismembered the train set.

"She's a real hit with our son," Sharon said. "Do you think she can really fix it?"

"I have no doubt at all," Janet smiled. "Sam's the smartest person I've ever met."

"Bet she's real good in bed too, huh?" Sharon asked cheekily.

"Sharon!" Janet squealed in horror, spraying coffee all over the kitchen floor. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"It's your fault," Sharon laughed. "You haven't been able to keep your eyes off of her since you got here. Correct me if I'm wrong," she smiled, "but it looks to me very much like your relationship has hit a new level in the last few days," she teased.

"I don't know what you mean," Janet tried to remain dignified, but was unable to keep a wide grin off her face.

"You're gonna have to practice your poker face a lot more if you think you're gonna convince anyone that you and Sam are just friends," Sharon said.

"It's that obvious, huh?" Janet gave up.

"Totally," Sharon smiled. "And it's great!" she pulled Janet into a tight hug. "Be happy," she whispered.

"I am," Janet was disconcerted to find tears gathering in her eyes. "I don't think I've ever been so happy. And yes," she grinned shyly, "you're right. She is good. She's amazing."

"Just as long as she deserves you," Sharon said.

"Oh she does," Janet said with fervour. "This likely sounds a bit trite. But Sam... Sam is incredible. She has the purest soul of anyone I've ever met. Sorry," Janet laughed at herself. "I didn't mean to be so corny."

"That's not corny," Sharon said, in a serious tone. "That's wonderful. You deserve some happiness Janet. After everything. Does she know about David?"

Janet shook her head. "Not really," she said. "I've promised I'll tell her everything, and I will. We only really got together yesterday. But I'll tell her everything as soon as I can."

"Everything?" Sharon queried.

"Everything," Janet said firmly. "I know it'll be difficult, but I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I want to know all about her too."

"Clean slate, huh?" Sharon said.

"Yeah," Janet said.

There was a cry of delight from the living room. "Mommy!" Mikey squealed. "Captain Sam has fixed it! It's working. Come look!"

Sharon and Janet went out into the living room, and exclaimed over the moving train.

"Captain Sam?" Janet said in a low voice to Sam.

Sam grinned. "I told him he can call me Sam, but he keeps calling me Captain," she said.

"Looks like you're stuck with the name then," Janet smiled. "And you've got a big fan there," she motioned to Mikey.

"What can I say?" Sam grinned. "The kid's got taste!"

= = =

"I want to sit next to Captain Sam!" Mikey declared as they moved to the table. "Can I Mom? Momma?" he fixed both his parents with a pleading look.

"Of course you can," Janet answered for her friends. "As long as you promise to eat all your sprouts, right Sharon?"

"Right!" Sharon laughed.

"I will, I swear!" Mikey said.

= = =

"Wow, I don't think I'm gonna need to eat for at least a fortnight," Sam eased herself into the driving seat of her truck as they left Sharon and Cora's house that evening. "Thank you all," she called through the window to the waving family. "It's been a wonderful day. And we'll see you all on the 9th, right?"

They had been driving for a couple of minutes, when Janet put her hand over Sam's. "Pull over," she said in a quiet voice.

"You okay Janet?" Sam asked, as she pulled up at the curb.

"I'm great Sam," Janet smiled. "I just wanted to do this," she reached over and kissed Sam passionately. "I've been wanting to do that all day," her voice was husky. "Okay," she grinned. "You can drive on now."

"My place?" Sam suggested, shaking slightly with the fervour of the kiss. "It's closer."

"In that case, yes," Janet said. "The sooner I get you inside, the better."

= = =

Three hours later, Janet turned over in Sam's arms, and grinned. "So," she said, "this is how we're gonna spend the Christmas break then, huh?"

Sam smiled back. "I guess so," she said, "unless you can think of something better to do?"

Janet's face clouded slightly. "I can't think of anything better," she said. "But," she took a deep breath. "We should talk."

"About him?" Sam guessed.

"Yeah," Janet's voice was shaky. "About him."

Sam reached up and cupped Janet's face tenderly. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," her tone was loving. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

Janet shook her head slightly. "I don't want to talk about him," she admitted. "I never want to think about him again. But I want you to know everything. About him," she swallowed, "about the baby. About me. I don't want there to be any secrets between us."

Sam kissed her softly. "If you want to talk, sweetheart, then we'll talk. Just promise me one thing, huh?"

"What's that?" Janet asked.

"Just remember that I love you. Whatever has happened, whatever went before. I love you for the beautiful person you are now. You're so beautiful Janet, and not just on the outside. I want you to remember that I'll always be on your side, I'll always love you, protect you. I want to be with you forever," Sam's eyes glistened as she found herself tearing up. This was the first mention Janet had made of a baby, and she just knew that she wasn't going to be hearing anything good.

"Okay," Janet said. "I love you too Sam. So much. God," she said, "this is hard."

"Just start at the beginning, Jan, and take it slowly," Sam advised, pulling Janet closer to her.

"It was good at the beginning," Janet said. "He was charming. And funny. And smart. I've always had a thing about brains," she smiled at Sam. "He had just qualified as a lawyer, and I was coming to the end of my training. I wasn't looking for romance. I'd not long split up from my girlfriend Megan; we were together about 18 months. So I was happy to just be by myself for a while. But he was in the bar where we medical students all went on a Friday night. And he was cute. At least I thought so then," she shuddered at the thought of ever having found him attractive. She could barely remember the charming David, and could only remember the image of him leaning over her, his fists clenched.

"Take your time, Janet," Sam said gently.

Janet shook herself. "We dated for nearly two years. Then we got married. And it was still good then. He was very solicitous of me. It hadn't occurred to me that he took too much interest in everything that I did. I just thought he was being romantic. He became more controlling as time went by, but I didn't even notice to start with. I loved him so much then, it didn't occur to me that anything was wrong. But then he started to criticize the clothes I was wearing. Said they were too revealing. So I changed the way I dressed, to please him. But it seemed that the more I changed, the more things he found that he didn't like. Before I knew what was happening, I was starting to be scared of what he'd think, whether he'd like what I was wearing, what mood he'd be in when he got home."

"He hit you, didn't he Jan?" Sam asked softly.

"Yeah," Janet admitted. "He did. I couldn't believe it the first time he did it. It was just over a year after we got married. I came home early one day. I was sick, I'd picked up a nasty bug from one of the patients. So I was feeling terrible, fever, nausea, the lot. I just went straight to bed."

"He hit you when you were sick?" Sam was astounded.

"Yeah," Janet said. "He came back that evening, to find the house in darkness, no dinner on the table, no warm welcome from his wife. So he came into the bedroom. I had never seen him so angry, Sam," Janet paled at the memory. "He grabbed me, by the hair, dragged me out of bed, screaming at me, totally out of control. He wanted to know what made me think it was okay for me to lie in bed and forget about my wifely duties."

"Wifely duties?" Sam almost exploded. "Oh God, Janet. What happened?"

"He threw me against the wall, and punched me," Janet remembered. "He was clever, made sure that there were no bruises on my face. He hit me several times; it was kind of frenzied, like he'd been taken over by something. Then he stormed out of the house."

"What did you do?" Sam's voice was not much more than a whisper.

"Nothing," Janet admitted miserably. "I tried to get back into bed, but he'd cracked my ribs. I was so weak already, I passed out from the pain. So when he got back three hours later, I was still lying on the floor. He changed completely then, Sam. He picked me, put me to bed. Tended to me. Stayed with me. He was so sorry, he was crying with remorse. So I forgave him. It was stupid, I know. I should have walked then. I know that now."

"It's not your fault, Janet," Sam soothed. "You loved him. You wanted everything to be okay."

"It was okay after that," Janet said. "For a while. He seemed much better, he was gentler with me. Kinder. We started to laugh again. We hadn't laughed for so long. I really thought it would be okay. But then he came home early one day. It just so happened that that same day, my car had broken down. So one of the porters at the hospital gave me a ride home. David saw me getting out of Jason's car, and he went wild. He hurt me so badly. I had to pretend I'd broken my wrist falling down the stairs. The stupid thing is that Jason is gay. He's been with his partner for 15 years, I'm the last person he'd have an affair with. But David wouldn't believe me. This time, when I got back from the hospital, he still treated me suspiciously. He didn't apologize. He still acted like it was my fault. So I decided to leave him. But then," a tear ran down Janet's face, "the very next day I discovered I was pregnant. David found the pregnancy testing kit in the trash can. And he was so excited. He was like a kid. He apologized then, swore he would go to anger management classes. And he did, and it was almost like it was in the beginning. He was so gentle and tender with me. Even in bed," Janet blushed. "Sorry," she said to Sam.

Sam took her hand and held it lovingly, kissing her fingers. "Don't be sorry, Janet," she whispered. "You loved him. I don't expect you never to have loved anyone before."

"He was great, for nearly four months," Janet continued. "He looked after me so well, he was so sweet. But then it happened," Janet started to shake. "Oh God, Sam, it was so awful."

Sam pulled Janet tightly to her so that the smaller woman was cradled in her lap. "Shh," Sam said. "You don't have to go on. You can stop, or tell me another day. It's all going to be okay, Janet," she rocked her lover gently as Janet started to cry in earnest, her small frame wracked with sobs. "It's alright baby. I love you."

"I want to finish telling you," Janet managed to pull herself together. "Then we never have to talk about him again."

"Okay, Jan, whatever you want," Sam said. "It's all okay now, though, remember that."

"It's not quite okay," Janet said miserably. "You've probably guessed, but I lost the baby. I was five months' along, and David had been really good for the whole of the pregnancy. But that night, when he came home, I could just tell by the way the front door shut, that he was sparring for a fight. I tried so hard to appease him. To say the right thing. Not to make him any angrier. But he went crazy. Before I knew what had happened, I was lying on the ground, and he was kicking me, again and again. He told the paramedics I'd fallen down the stairs. He tried to pretend it was my fault, that I hadn't been paying attention. I lost the baby, but I still had to give birth to her. It was a baby girl, Sam," Janet shuddered with remembered grief.

"She lived for under a minute," Janet continued. "She had to have a birth certificate, and a death certificate. Both with the same date. I called her Amelia. Amelia Fraiser, not Richmond. He doesn't know that. I'll never tell him. I don't want him to have any part of her. I wouldn't let them let him in. They all knew, the medics, what had happened. They'd seen it too many times before. It got worse after that. They couldn't stop the bleeding." Janet looked up into Sam's eyes. "I lost my baby, and then I lost my womb. They had to give me an emergency hysterectomy. I can't have children Sam. I can never have babies," at this Janet lost the last vestige of control and started to sob.

Sam didn't know what to say to Janet. There was nothing she could tell her that would make anything any better. So she just rocked her, holding her tight in her arms. Eventually, Janet stilled. "Thank you," Sam whispered. "Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry, Janet. I can't imagine how hard that was for you. It's over now Jan. He's no longer part of your life. I'll never let anybody treat you like that, ever again."

"I know," Janet said. "Hold me Sam. Please just hold me," she pleaded. "Tell me we can still make it. That you still love me."

"Oh baby," Sam's heart was breaking. "If possible, I love you even more than before. You're all I need. Maybe one day I'll have our babies. Maybe not. We can't know what the future holds. The only thing I care about right now is being with you, loving you. Feeling your body against mine. I never want us to be apart Janet."

"Make love to me Sam," Janet begged, her eyes pleading. "Help me forget him."

"Whatever you want, baby," Sam's voice was tender and loving. She kissed her softly.

Next: Trial By Fire