Alternatives

by SwordQueen

URL: http://area52hkh.net/ass/swordqueen/alternatives.php
Summary: What if it had been Major Kawalsky who had been 'married' to Jack O'Neill in the alternate universe, and NOT Major Carter? And if so, how would Teal'c feel about it? This is just an 'interlude' of sorts, a sort of 'what if?' in the world of Stargate SG-1

Teal'c stood in the corridor, his hands folded neatly behind his back and his dark, dusky brown eyes riveted to the slumped-shouldered form of his friend, Colonel Jack O'Neill, as the other man strolled slowly down the hall. He, General Hammond and the rest of SG-1 had just come out of a meeting with the alternate versions of "Major Samantha Carter" and "Major Charles Kawalsky."

The two alternates had appeared, quite unexpectedly, a short while ago and had been immediately captured and interrogated. Their story, about coming from an alternate universe, might have appeared suspicious had it not been for the fact that they carried with them a familiar inter-dimensional device that SG-1 had encountered on a mission a little while back. Dr. Daniel Jackson had been the unwitting victim of the device and had found himself plunged into an "alternate" version of this world, a world that Apophis had all but destroyed.

Seeing the two alternates had been particularly difficult for O'Neill. Setting aside the surprise and pain the man had felt upon seeing his two friends(?), and forgetting, for a moment, that the Colonel O'Neill of their world had been brutally killed by the evil Teal'c alternate, the Colonel had the added complication of finding out that not only had his alternate been best friends with the alternate Sam, but had also maintained a very close and very intimate relationship with the alternate Kawalsky. In fact, according to the two alternates, the alternate Jack and Kawalsky had been married for close to two years, and the wildly enthusiastic (and much impassioned) kiss that the alternate Kawalsky had planted on the Colonel's mouth just a few seconds after meeting him proved it!

Although O'Neill had been taken by surprise by the other man's reaction to him, he had not at all reacted to the alternate Kawalsky's gesture of affection anywhere near the way the rest of them would have imagined he would. Instead of the disgust or violence most of them would have expected, Jack had gently pushed the other man away and stared sorrowfully into his eyes -- but not after first briefly, and quite tenderly, returning the kiss.

Teal'c hadn't missed the exchange, and he was fairly certain that none of the others had either. But where the rest of the team might feel out of place bringing up the subject to their teammate, he had no such qualms. Slowly, he followed after his befuddled friend and caught up to him just as the Colonel entered his office.

"O'Neill?" Teal'c called out just as he reached out a hand and stopped the office door from slamming shut.

Jack spun around and stared blankly at Teal'c for a moment. Then he let out a breath and waved the Jaffa in. "Teal'c. I didn't see you there," he said distractedly as he went to go sit down behind his desk.

Teal'c proceeded quietly toward the Colonel's desk and sat down in a chair opposite him. "You seem upset," he stated quietly.

Jack sighed and leaned his head in his hands. "Yeah. I guess you could say that."

Teal'c watched his friend closely for a moment. "Do you wish to discuss it?" he asked carefully.

Jack stared at Teal'c through his fingers for a long moment. He and the Jaffa had been getting "close" lately, and he felt it only right that he give him some kind of explanation for his behavior.

"I'm not really sure what to say," he replied with a deep sigh.

Teal'c's expression softened into one of patience and understanding. "Just say what you feel."

Jack knew that telling Teal'c about his feelings regarding their unexpected guests could potentially jeopardize their blossoming "relationship," but the truth was that he had to talk about it with someone, and given his current "relationship" with Teal'c, the Jaffa was most likely the only one he could discuss things with freely.

"Are you sure you want to hear this, Teal'c?" he asked his friend openly.

Teal'c nodded. "Yes, O'Neill, I am certain."

"Okay then," Jack agreed with a decisive nod. "Kawalsky and I had once been very close."

"He was your friend," Teal'c confirmed, knowing Jack would understand his true meaning of the word "friend."

Jack sighed and leaned back in his chair. "Yes. There was a time when we cared about each other very much."

Teal'c looked down. "I see."

"Yeah," Jack said wearily as he rubbed at the back of his neck, "It seems as if you do."

"Did you love him?" Teal'c asked unexpectedly.

"Yeah, I did. But it wasn't easy with both of us being in the military and being team mates."

"Were you lovers when he died?"

Jack shook his head sadly. "No. But I know he still loved me. I... on the other hand... had decided, a few years earlier, to plunge head-first into the whole hetero, wife and kid thing."

"That could not have been easy for Kawalsky."

Jack laughed mirthlessly. "It wasn't. I don't think he ever truly forgave me for it, either. But I just... I just couldn't deal with the pressure and responsibility of maintaining a relationship with him in this kind of environment. The risks were just too high, and I would never have forgiven myself if either of us got caught."

"Was Kawalsky willing to take the risk?"

Jack nodded. "Oh yeah! Kawalsky was the ultimate risk-taker." Jack smiled. "That was one of the things I liked most about him. It was also one of the reasons why he was such a great lover too! I don't think there was anything that guy wouldn't try at least once!"

Teal'c smiled knowingly. "You are not so different yourself, O'Neill," he commented.

Jack looked up at Teal'c then. Had it only been a couple of days since he and the Jaffa had decided to "slowly" take their relationship further? He let his eyes roam down that hard, well-muscled body and knew that the twitching in his pants was the affirmative answer he had been seeking. He actually began to blush.

"Well, maybe not now," he blurted out coyly. "I've mellowed a lot these past few years. You've probably noticed that I don't pay a great deal of mind to procedure much these days. But years ago, I was a real cadet. My military career was everything to me... at least until Charlie …." Jack let the sentence drift off as he looked down sadly at the thought of his now dead son.

Teal'c realized the conversation had taken a wrong turn. So, not wanting to cause his friend any further pain he said quickly, "Apparently things turned out differently for the alternate Kawalsky and his Jack O'Neill. Have you decided what you are going to do about that?"

Jack took a moment to compose himself and then fixed his gaze on the Jaffa. "I don't know, Teal'c," he said with a helpless shrug, "I honestly don't know."

Teal'c stood up and folded his arms behind his back. "Whatever you decide, I will hold nothing against you, O'Neill. It is important to me that you know that, although I care very much for you, your happiness is what is most important."

Jack smiled warmly at his friend. "I know that, Teal'c."

Teal'c nodded and began heading toward the door. "I will await your decision, then," he paused and glanced affectionately at his friend, "Just do what your heart beckons, O'Neill," he said softly. Then he turned back around and left.

Jack stared at the closed door for several minutes. His mind was full of thoughts. He cared for Teal'c a great deal and was certain he could care for him even more still, if he allowed himself to. But this alternate "Kawalsky" was a different matter altogether. They still had not yet decided on what to do with him and the alternate "Sam," but soon they would be forced to do something, and when that happened, he would have to find a way to deal with it. With a loud sigh he strolled over to his cot. Until then, he decided, he could use a bit of rest.

A few hours later...

"Hey," Jack said as he entered the room currently assigned to "Kawalsky." He watched closely as the man who had once been his friend -- and more -- turned around slowly and smiled knowingly at him.

"Hey yourself," Kawalsky said warmly.

Jack froze and stared at his "friend." He felt for a moment as if he had gone back in time several years. Although to others, the greeting they had just exchanged might have sounded light and friendly, but for him and his Kawalsky it had meant much more than just hello. It was the exchange that one or the other would use when they wanted to "get together." Apparently, the greeting had a similar meaning for this other Kawalsky as well -- especially if the suggestive grin on his face was anything to go by.

Kawalsky cleared his throat and the grin immediately faded and was replaced by a look of extreme embarrassment. "Boy! This is hard. You're so much like him."

Jack nodded his understanding. "Well just try to think of me as an inter-dimensionally challenged version of him. Maybe that will make you feel better," he said, making a weak attempt at a smile.

Kawalsky did the same, but neither one of them bought it. To say that things between them were awkward went way beyond an understatement.

"Look, Kawalsky, I know this is pretty weird for you... with me being dead and all... in your world, at least... and then there's the fact that you're dead here in my world... but, despite all of that, we've still got to find a way to get past all of this weirdness and figure out how to deal with this whole situation." Jack looked at his friend then and quickly realized that the man hadn't heard a word of what he had just said, which, upon afterthought, was probably a good thing.

"Kawalsky?"

Kawalsky jerked and looked up at Jack. "Huh?" he blurted out before shaking his head and plopping himself down on the bed. "Sorry, I was... in another dimension." He explained with a mirthless laugh.

Jack sat down next to him on the bed and put his hand comfortingly on his shoulder. " I gotcha," he said with gentle understanding.

Kawalsky sat there and watched him for a long moment. Then, in a low voice, he asked, "How did I die, Jack?"

"You really want to know, huh?" Jack replied, sensing that it was important to the other man.

Kawalsky nodded. "Yeah, I really want to know." Then he looked at Jack, but not at some ghost of a Jack he once knew, but at a Jack that he did know and instinctively trusted.

As Jack stared back at his friend, he had a similar sense. This wasn't the Kawalsky he once knew and loved, but then again it was.

"Well, you went out with a bang, that's for sure!"

Kawalsky laughed, a real laugh this time.

Encouraged, Jack continued. "Me and the rest of SG-1 had managed to get ourselves imprisoned on Chulak. With Teal'c's help we had successfully managed to escape the prison there and headed straight for the Stargate. You were heading up SG-2, and we had left you and your team to watch the Stargate and cover our asses in case things got sticky."

Kawalsky smiled broadly and lightly slapped Jack on the arm. "Let me guess? Things got sticky, right?"

Jack returned the smile and nodded. "They sure did! With you and your team's much needed help, we all managed to get back through the Stargate alive, including you. Unfortunately we didn't manage to do so before you became an unwilling host to a Goa'uld." Jack shrugged and gave his friend a sympathetic look.

Kawalsky looked thoughtfully away for a moment. "So I got drilled, huh?"

"Drilled?"

Kawalsky looked back at Jack and smirked. "Yeah, drilled, you know? That's how those snakes get inside you... through the neck and around the brain stem?"

"Ah!" Jack said with a nod. "Drilled. I like that."

"So, did I do a lot of damage, or what?" Kawalsky asked with a feigned sense of pride.

Jack picked up and gave his friend a proud slap on the back. "You sure as hell did! You even tried to kill Teal'c! If it weren't for Junior he would never have survived, but thank goodness he did, cause ultimately, he was the one that stopped you!"

"That Jaffa snakehead? Oh great! Come on, Jack? You couldn't take me down yourself?" Kawalsky looked genuinely disappointed.

Jack frowned and tried to look as ashamed as he could. "Well, you know I would have. It's just that I wasn't really close enough to act. I was in the control booth at the time. I did come up with the idea of how to kill you though," he added encouragingly.

That seemed to cheer Kawalsky up some. "You did? How?"

Smiling proudly, Jack said, "I told Teal'c to hold your head at the horizon of the Stargate, and once he got you into position, we shut it down." What was left of the Goa'uld that had possessed you fell away, and what was left of you was unspeakable, but at least you were free." This last bit was said in a quiet tone, and all pretense of pride had drained away. All Jack could do was sit on the bed with his shoulders slumped and stare mournfully down at the floor.

A gentle arm around his shoulders made him look up and into the comforting face that was now smiling and looking at him with undisguised affection.

"Thanks, Jack. Thanks for letting me die free."

"You would have done the same for me," Jack responded softly.

Kawalsky looked sadly down then. "I did," he stated quietly.

It took a moment for Jack to realize what Kawalsky meant, and when he finally did he felt a chill run down his spine. "Thanks," he said in a hoarse whisper a few seconds later. "You always were looking out for me."

Kawalsky laughed lightly. "Uh-uh, we were always looking out for each other, just like we promised!"

"Yeah, just like we promised," Jack agreed with melancholy. Several minutes went by before either of them spoke again. Jack finally got up off of the bed and went to go pour himself some water. "You want any?" he asked.

Kawalsky shook his head and looked up at Jack. There was a deep sadness in his eyes, and something else. "Water?" he asked in a strange tone. "No, that's not what I want."

Since it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what Kawalsky was really saying, Jack picked up right away. But before he could respond, the other man was there, right in front of him, his hands clutching at the front of his uniform and his mouth zooming in on his own.

The idea of resisting came and went in a flash, and the next coherent thought Jack had was... well... at least a couple of hours later. During the interim, however, he was happy to learn that some things never changed. He and the Kawalsky of this universe had been good together sexually, and apparently so had their alternates.

Jack was amazed at how easily making love with this other Kawalsky was. The familiar taste of his mouth, the feel of his skin, the deep-seated desire he invoked in him. He knew that the other man wanted him desperately but, until now, he had had no idea how much he had wanted the other man.

Any clothing they were wearing came off quickly and easily, their mouths only parting for brief gasps of air. Once their bodies were pressed together, skin-on-skin, there was no turning back for either of them. They continued to kiss and touch one another all over, their initial desperation changing gradually to a warm, heartfelt desire. Both men took their time with one another; neither wanting to rush what they both knew would most likely be a one-time only affair.

"Jack," Kawalsky breathed out as he ran his hands and mouth wondrously over Jack's chest and upper body. Grabbing hold of a nipple with his teeth, he gently bit down on the darkened nub and then licked at it eagerly before kissing his way over to it's waiting twin and doing the same.

Jack groaned with pleasure underneath his friend. It felt so good to be sharing such intimacy with him again, and his groans grew even louder as the other man worked his way downward and began planting gentle kisses on his hardening shaft. But when Kawalsky finally reached the head of his straining member, he let out a muffled cry as his hips began automatically bucking upward, begging for more.

Kawalsky, however, was having none of it. Stopping abruptly, he looked down at Jack and shook his head no. "Uh uh!" he said. "Not yet you don't. I want to feel you inside me, Jack. I need to feel you inside me!"

This last part was stated in a pleading tone and Jack found he was unable to disobey. Nodding his head mutely, he reached out and gripped Kawalsky around the waist and then rolled them both over until he was securely planted on top of the other man. Looking down, he smiled at the broad and knowing grin that met him, it was the same one Kawalsky always used to flash at him just before he'd let Jack enter him.

"You ready?" Jack asked hoarsely.

Kawalsky smirked at him. "What do you think?"

Jack leaned down so close to Kawalsky that there couldn't have been more than a centimeter separating their faces. Brushing his mouth lightly across his friend's, he whispered softly, "I think I'm going to fuck you so hard, the entire base is going to know about it!"

Kawalsky continued to smirk at him. "Oh yeah? Well then, what are you waiting for?"

Jack covered the centimeter and engulfed Kawalsky's mouth with his own. They continued to kiss tenderly for several long minutes. Gradually, their bodies began to rub slowly together and, soon, both men's erections began to demand their attention.

"I want you, Jack," Kawalsky breathed out. "I want you so bad, man... so bad."

Jack began kissing and nibbling his way downward. He could feel Kawalsky squirming beneath him. When he got to his friend's bobbing penis, he began eagerly sucking on the hardened flesh, relishing the familiar taste of it.

Kawalsky's body was on automatic and he was almost completely beyond control. "Jack! Jack, I need you man! I need you now!" he screamed out in agonized passion, his body shaking with need. "Now!"

"Okay, Buddy. Okay!" Jack said as he sat up on his knees and hefted his friend's hips up onto his thighs. Kawalsky automatically lifted up his legs and presented himself to his lover. But just as Jack was about to insert himself into his friend's puckered opening, panic overtook him. "I need something!" he panted out. "Kawalsky? I need something. What do you have?" he asked, looking desperately around the sparse guest room.

It took Kawalsky a few moments to comprehend what Jack was saying. "Um... the draw. Look in the draw. There's got to be something in there."

Jack leaned over and opened the draw on the nightstand. He smiled. Right there, sitting on top of a small first aid kit was a small tube of K-Y Jelly. "Ha!" Jack laughed out loud. <"Guess the no sex rule doesn't apply to guests!"> he thought to himself. Grabbing the tube, he quickly unscrewed the top and greased both himself and Kawalsky up. By the time he had finished with Kawalsky, however, the other man's eyes has rolled back into his head, and his cock was stiffer than a flag pole.

Jack smiled as he carefully took hold of his friend's cock. He knew Kawalsky was close, and he was careful not to do anything to make him come before he was ready for him to. Just as carefully, he slowly inserted himself into the tight, warm opening and threw his head back in ecstasy. "Oh! This is heaven!" he gasped out. "Heaven!"

Beneath him, Kawalsky was on the verge of bursting a blood vessel. "Jack! If you don't get moving right now, you're going to KILL me!" he grunted out frustratedly.

Jack moved. In and out. In and out. "Oh, man, you feel sooooo good. Sooooo good."

"Oooooh, yeah! That's it, Jack. <pant!> That's it!"

"Oooooh! I'm feeling it, Buddy. <gasp!> I'm feeling it."

"Yeah? Well I'm there, my man. I am sooo there! Oh, Jack! Oh, Jack! Jack... Jack... Jaaaaccccck!"

Jack squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his friend come in his hand, the slick warmth of the other man's cum flowing down his fist. Pumping harder, he milked him dry and began pounding his hips faster. Soon he too felt the familiar tension in his cock and knew he was just seconds away. Then he came, and he came, and he came, knowing all the while that it would never be like this again.

~~~

Afterward, Jack had expected to feel some remorse and was genuinely surprised when he realized that he didn't. In fact, as he lied there, spooned up against a man who should have been a stranger to him but wasn't, he felt an odd sense of contentment. Having lost so many people in his life, this feeling was truly a rare one for him, and one that he found he was growing ever more reluctant to give up. He smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Kawalsky asked with a knowing smirk as he situated himself alongside his friend.

Jack looked fondly at the other man and broadened his smile. "You're so vain, Kawalsky. I bet you think this smile is about you!" he joked.

Kawalsky laughed heartily. "Carly Simon. You have her here too, huh?"

Jack smiled and nodded.

"You always did like to make bad jokes after a good roll in the sack!" Kawalsky said affectionately.

"Oh yeah!" Jack replied sardonically. "Like YOU were always the mushy type?!"

"Hey, compared to you I was!" Kawalsky protested good-naturedly. "You wouldn't even let me talk about us. It was like you were afraid that if we put what we felt for each other into words, it would change things."

"Is that what I was like?" Jack asked wistfully.

Kawalsky stared at him for a moment, his face growing somewhat sad. "Yeah," he replied quietly, "That's exactly what you were like." Then, without warning, he moved away from Jack and got up off of the bed.

Jack started to reach out to him and then stopped. Instead, he sat up on the bed and silently watched his lover get dressed.

"You know something?" Kawalsky said unexpectedly as he pulled on his pants. "The only time you... HE ever actually told me he loved me was right before he forced me to let that fucking Jaffa take him away and kill him. He couldn't even tell me on our wedding day, but he could tell me then. He knew what the alternative would have been if he didn't go with that damned snakehead, and he preferred to die than become one of them." His voice caught as he continued. "Now, every time I think about hearing those words from his mouth, I can't help but think about his death."

Jack got up and began putting on his own clothes. "That's funny. The last conversation I had with this world's Kawalsky was also right before he died." He sighed mournfully. "Believe it or not, it was that "fucking Jaffa," Teal'c, who helped me deal with his death. I barely knew him at the time, but I knew that he understood what I was feeling."

"You really trust that snakehead?" Kawalsky asked bitterly.

"Teal'c?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. That fucking Jaffa."

"With my life," Jack replied without hesitation and more than a bit of resentment. He was beginning to find Kawalsky's persistently hateful attitude toward Teal'c – his Teal'c – to be particularly annoying.

Kawalsky looked away with revulsion. "Every time I see him, I just want to kill him!"

"That's because you don't know him... not the way I do. This Teal'c is not the same Jaffa who killed your Jack!"

Kawalsky turned and stared at him with disgust. "I suppose you think that guy's a real pussycat, huh?"

Jack shook his head. "Pussycat's not the word I'd use to describe Teal'c. But, I do know who he is, and I also know what kind of man he is – and both are good enough for me."

Kawalsky let out a humorless laugh. "And just what kind of man do you think he is, Jack?"

"A soldier. Just like you and me... and a good one. Probably one of the best I've ever met – and that includes us!" Jack said resolutely as he approached his friend. "So don't you dare judge him!"

Kawalsky stepped back and turned away from Jack, but otherwise didn't respond.

Jack stayed where he was. He understood the need for silence. As he watched his friend (lover?) he knew that any feelings of contentment that he had earlier were never meant to be permanent. No matter how much he may have wanted this man to be his Kawalsky, he simply wasn't, and could never be. His Kawalsky was dead, and there was nothing that could bring him back.

"This was a mistake, wasn't it?" Kawalsky's sad voice drifted over to him after a while.

"What?" Jack asked distractedly.

"I said this was a mistake," Kawalsky repeated more loudly.

Jack considered the statement for a moment and then slowly nodded. "Yeah. I think maybe it was," he agreed softly.

Kawalsky nodded also.

A minute or two passed silently as they both recalled what they had just shared.

Jack put his hands into his pockets and bounced nervously on the balls of his feet. "Look, um, maybe I should go," he said quietly.

Kawalsky tried to smile, but failed miserably. "Yeah, maybe you should," he agreed remorsefully.

Jack headed toward the door and then turned around. "It was nice," he said with sincerity.

Kawalsky smiled sadly. "Yeah, it was."

Jack knew Kawalsky wasn't talking about what they had just shared, but what he had once shared with another Jack O'Neill, a Jack O'Neill who was as lost to the other man as his own Kawalsky was lost to him. As he walked to the door and began to step out he paused briefly. He wanted to turn back to the other man and try and console him, but the mournful sobs that sounded behind him held him back. So, with a heavy heart he left the room, and tried his best to forget the past.

THE END